Friday, September 17, 2010

The King of Virtues

“Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.” - Dag Hammarskjold

Coretta Scott King, the wife of the martyred civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr., was a courageous and strong woman. To me she epitomized forgiveness. When I was living in Atlanta I had the opportunity to meet her and go on a private walking tour of her late husband’s museum. The thing that impressed me most was her ability to resist the hatred and negativity her personal experiences could have fomented in her heart and see how she became a positive force for the sake of the oppressed and down-trodden.

I have witnessed a lot of misery suffered by people who have been abused and hurt by the powers of this world. When we feel we have been cheated by life – we can make a choice either to allow ourselves to become bitter and withdrawn or we can decide to learn from the experience and become better as a result of putting it into our memory bank for future application.

At the age of 16 my parents were divorced and my world seemed to come apart at the seems. I was angry to think that I had been cheated out of my right to be happy. But this was not the end of my life as I supposed. It was merely a temporary detour that eventually helped me move in a very positive direction. Psychologists tell us that it is how we choose to interpret what happens in our life, more than the actual circumstances and experiences, which determines the impact they will have on us. Will our hurts make us bitter or better … we get to decide!

Here is my observation: It is the one who has been wronged who has all the power, not the one who does the wrong. And our power comes in the form of forgiveness. When we forgive we liberate ourselves to live our life more fully. Coretta Scott King discovered that truth early in her life and as a consequence was able to do no end of good for others.

“Forgiveness, in the hands of those who have been wronged, is one of the most powerful forces in the world.”

Saturday, September 11, 2010

If I knew Then, What I Know Now

“Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.” - Winston Churchill

When I was a young man in college I never dreamed how important computers would become to all of us. One special guest lecturer who visited our campus was Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper (Commander at the time) who was the pioneer developer of the embryonic computer and programming language for the US Navy. I thought all this computer stuff was just for mathematicians and egg-heads. I knew computers would never be of any practical use to me later in life.

I was focused on how I would enjoy my journey (playing sports and dating girls) with little thought as to where the trip would take me. It seems stupid now as I think about it, but that is just the point – I had no real plan. I was a kid who still thought in terms of doing what was fun at the time and did not think about where my daily choices might take me. Well, I grew up and learned many valuable lessons along the way; one of the most important being, that I needed to have a vision for where I wanted to go in life and then focus on how I was going to get there..

A very valuable piece of advice I received in this regard was from a mentor who had worked for many years as a manager in the business world. He shared that even the most daunting task can be broken down into smaller pieces that are more easily doable. In the same way, our life’s goals can be broken into bite–sized chunks that are not so difficult to achieve, one at a time. First, we need to decide what we want to accomplish and work back from there to where we are now to find our starting point.

My highest personal priority in life has always been to be an “impact player.” When I finally got serious about making a plan for my life, I decided to seek out someone who had led that kind of a life and learn from them. So I did just that and one thing has lead to another … and here I am. Notice that I focused on “what” I wanted to do, first and then “how” I would do it… I followed my dream and have discovered that the “steps” have taken care of themselves as I stayed focused on “the vision.”

If I had a plan as a young man in college, it was to never use a computer again once that computer science class was over. Now here I am sitting at my laptop sharing this idea. Isn’t it ironic how our methods can change even when our vision stays the same? If I knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself a lot of the frustration I felt early in life by focusing more on my objective than the methods by which I would achieve it.

“When you make your plans, first focus on where you want to go and then how you go about it will more easily fall into place.”

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Down Is The Way Up

“Humility is the foundation of all the other virtues hence, in the soul in which this virtue does not exist there cannot be any other virtue.” - Saint Augustine

Sometimes we are humbled to test our reaction before we can be lifted up. Have you been embarrassed or ashamed only to discover later that your experience was supremely valuable? Maybe your failure turned your life in an important direction that nothing else could have accomplished. I don’t seem to learn very much when everything is going wonderfully. It is usually my failures that get my attention best. What about you?

A dear friend of mine was fresh out of college and invited to try out for a professional football team. In college he had been a force to reckon with as a defensive cornerback. But my friend was beat time and again that day by a rookie quarterback and wide-receiver combo that were also hoping to make big-time professional sports. My friend was cut from the team - a little discouraged, yes, but undeterred in his pursuit of excellence. He went on to be a very successful attorney with a career that lasted many decades.

I have found that down is often the way up. Anyone can handle success, but how we handle failure is a sign of greatness. Most leaders will suffer setbacks and discouragement; it goes with the territory if you are trying to accomplish something great. The one who is always playing it safe will never find out what kind of stuff they are made of.

Our failures and disappointments are not always what they appear to be either – maybe they are really just momentary set-backs as we focus in on the best course for our life. You may have heard of the quarterback that beat my friend that day in try-outs; his name was Johnny Unitas and the wide-receiver was none other than Raymond Berry – two of the greatest players to ever represent the Baltimore Colts and now both in the NFL Hall Of Fame.

“It is only after we humble ourselves that we are ready to be lifted up.”