“Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.” ~ Terry Pratchett
Among other things, I am a professional life coach and consultant. In that pursuit I have learned over the years that honesty is one of the most important character traits a person can possess. How do we protect that core value? We maintain and cultivate all important core values by making ourselves vulnerable to others and establishing some form of personal accountability. The reason for this is very simple: when left to our own devices, we will cut corners and cheat every time! This fact is as solidly established as the law of gravity. Be careful! You cannot trust your heart or conscience. Over time we will change our convictions to fit the circumstances and our philosophical standards will not hold. We can talk ourselves into almost anything over time.
Some of my closest friends bristle at the idea of accountability and I don’t blame them. Opening our heart to others leaves us very vulnerable and they can hurt us if we do not choose our confidants carefully. Even when extremely cautious, we will sometimes be betrayed. But the prize is worth the risk and the more vulnerable we intentionally make ourselves, the stronger we will become.
I had a very close friend who did not understand this principle. Consequently he had many secrets. Over time he amassed so many dark secrets in his life that he eventually imploded and came apart at the seams. He developed an alcohol and drug problem; he was addicted to pornography and eventually his family and professional life came apart. When I say we were close, I mean that I loved him very much and yet he never came clean even with me. When he eventually committed suicide, I was devastated. I could see the erosion in his life, but I was helpless to assist him because he would not let me in. His secrets kept on growing in the dark and eventually they became monsters which destroyed his life. I become emotional even speaking about his loss. It haunts me to this very day. He was in many ways a fabulous human being and far superior to me, but he never learned to expose his secrets to the light and they crushed him.
You have heard it said that “no man is an island” and it’s true. You must engage others in your life and trust them to care for and encourage you along the way. You cannot bear your burdens alone. Bring them to the light and they will die. Leave them in the dark and they will grow. They will only come into the light kicking and screaming. It will be painful and they will fight you all the way, but the reward may be to save your life. There is no substitute for honesty and accountability between friends.
“Est rosa flos Veneris cujus quo furta laterent.”
“The discourses of the table among true loving friends are held in strict silence.” ~ Sir Thomas Browne
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