Padawan

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”

~ Shannon L. Alder

“Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” Philippians 4:9 (KJV)

“And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.” 2 Timothy 2:2 (KJV)

MULTIPLICATION

Multiplication is just a very fast and efficient form of addition. If you want to leave your mark in life, this is one math fact which you will want to embrace, because multiplication is the best way to ensure your legacy. It is though the lives of others you invest in as a mentor, that you can have your greatest impact.

We sometimes call a person being mentored - a disciple. A disciple is a person who follows a leader and they do something more; a disciple reproduces themself in the lives of others who come after them. So we have two important aspects of discipleship; copy and multiply. These two ideas can change your life and even change the world! If you don’t multiply your beliefs, practices and experience in the lives of others, they will soon be lost.

Do you remember the Star Wars movies? They tell about a religious sect called the Jedi who had a very strict system of training their understudies called "Padawans." Their whole plan went wrong when they failed to properly mentor and govern one from among their own ranks and he became their nemesis. Darth Vader was a disciple … but of the wrong leader. He became the Dark Lord of the universe as a direct result of ineffective discipleship by the Jedi. I am not saying that if you do not properly disciple those under you, they will bring the universe to ruin - but it is something to think about. What could you be doing right now to properly guide those who look to you for leadership?

The philosophy of reproducing ourself through others relates to raising our children as well as training our employees and the impact we have on any others who may be looking to us for leadership. It is a universal truth that we will reap what we have sown.

I have been blessed to have a series of great men who have invested in my life to guide me when I needed it. It has not always been easy to receive their input but because the relationships were built on love and trust, there was a solid foundation making it easier. We all need to be looking around us for someone we can invest in and for someone to invest in us – it flows both ways. I never met a successful leader who did not have a series of mentors helping them and I never met a wise man who did not seek to mentor others. The choice is yours to take this admonition seriously; copy and multiply. That is the best way any of us can leave a lasting legacy and assure our long-term success.

Essential Insight – “Multiplication is the only math that really adds up.”

Dreamers

“Status Quo is just a Latin phrase describing the mess we are in.”

Are you inclined to think about how things could be or ought to be or do you more often bemoan the way they really are? A dreamer should be a person who wants to be a difference-maker. They are not content just to identify the problem; they want to help fix it and make the world a better place.

There is a fine balance between being a dreamer and just being discontent with our circumstances. It is possible to make yourself miserable by finding something wrong with everything that happens ... and that is not dreaming; it’s complaining! A complainer is selfish and worried about themselves ahead of everyone else.

Most dreamers never get engaged in problem-solving. They dream about the way things should be but they cannot connect the dots in a constructive manner and just leave us all dissatisfied and ill at ease with the status quo. A lot of news and particularly political analysts are this type of dreamers; we typically call them idealists or even critics. They are people who are disconnected from reality and can only find fault and never seem to know what the solution is.

So we have dreamers who are self-centered, dreamers who are just critics or complainers and dreamers who have no answers. Let me propose another kind of dreamer that we should all seek to become. Let’s be dreamers who are change-agents. Let’s strive to spend as much time on problem-solving as we spend on identifying the problem. Or if we don’t have enough good ideas let’s try to partner with someone who does, instead of providing just half the formula and frustrating everyone around us.

I love dreamers and want to be classified as a visionary person myself. But let’s not be satisfied with just half the formula and end up pointing out the obvious and failing to provide what’s needed most – solutions. That will separate you from all the rest and confirm your right to be a dreamer!

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.” ~ T.E. Lawrence

Crutches

My beautiful daughter had an injury recently and needed crutches to get around for weeks afterward. Actually, she needed more than that, but her crutches were the last thing to go. It wasn't easy to give them up either. At first they were essential and then they became less important physically but more and more important psychologically.

Eliminating your crutches is not as easy as you might think. There is a fine line between giving them up at the correct time and giving them up too early, which might cause you to develop a limp that you could carry with you the rest of your life.

We all have something we use as a crutch. When we are in trouble a crutch may be just the thing to help us out; that’s not entirely bad, but we need to get rid of the crutch at the right time so we can learn to walk on our own again.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but nothing is meant to be our perpetual crutch. In reality, the plan is for us to eventually be able to stand on our own intellectually, emotionally and psychologically. We will never be able to handle all our own problems, but we must learn to be normal to the fullest extent possible. We are all dependent to a certain extent but we must not be permanently debilitated by our situation or circumstances. The goal for each of us is that we would be complete and whole as an individual.

The danger is in not finding the balance between trying to go it alone in life and ending up limping through it, or never trying to walk on our own and not maturing to become that which we were intended to be.

“Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.” ~ H. L. Hunt

War of the Mind

“My greatest point is my persistence. I never give up in a match. However down I am, I fight until the last ball. My list of matches shows that I have turned a great many so-called irretrievable defeats into victories.” ~ Bjorn Borg

I have a very simple message for you today – Don’t quit! Everyone I have known who has experienced great success over a long period of time, has one characteristic in common; persistence. You don’t have to be the best at what you do. If you stick with it, you will find you outlast them all and win simply by attrition. The fact is that everyone else will quit and you will be the last one standing. You must win the war of the mind.

I would rather win because I am the smartest, best, and most talented, but someone else can beat me in every one of these categories. However, I can decide that I will never quit, never stop and never give in. That is my choice and I am committed to finishing what I begin. How about you? You may not always make the right decision but you can make your decision right if you will stick with it and perfect it until it is just what it needs to be.

How often have you quit just as victory was within your grasp, but you didn’t realize it so you gave up and missed your dream? We will never know the answer to that particular question, but we can rest assured that we did not miss our mark if we never quit and learn to press on despite the discouragement and pressure to withdraw.

I was never the best or most talented so early in my life I had to decide that I would be the most committed and it has paid off handsomely. Billy Graham is my hero. He has addressed more people face to face than any man who has ever lived. One of my greatest successes was to lead the largest public gathering Billy Graham ever held in North America. We were under-staffed, under-funded and had no real momentum going for us. I will never forget that we held a rally the week before our meeting was to take place and less than 1200 people showed up! We were in a jam and our backs were to the wall but we did not give up and a week later we had 250,000 people crowding into New York City’s Central Park. Our meeting was a record for Billy and a personal high point for me. The next day, an aerial photo of the gathering appeared on the front page of the New York Times - above the fold. We had realized our dream – and then some.

You are a winner if you never quit. No matter what the circumstances or the emotion screaming for you to give in, don’t do it! If you go down, don’t let it be because you held back or second-guessed the outcome. Give it all you have and push to the end. Your victory is at hand!

“Persistence is the ability to force your desired outcome by sheer strength of will and determination.”

The Great Escape

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” - Ernest Hemingway

A leader knows that being a good listener can lead to opportunities to speak words which may powerfully affect other’s lives…and there is always the chance that he might learn something too!

One memory stuck in my mind is of meeting the famous Hollywood leading man, Steve McQueen. I first spied him sitting in the front balcony row of a California church drinking up the speaker’s every word, as he carefully followed along in his own well-worn Bible.

This story had its beginning months earlier. You see Steve had a love for vintage aircraft and to learn to fly his plane, he hired a very gifted flight instructor who was a man of few words. Over the weeks Steve and his instructor spent a lot of time together in the cockpit of his plane. During that time Steve noticed something different about his instructor - so he asked him what it was. Until then, the older instructor had mostly listened to Steve and only dropped in an occasional word of wisdom. But after weeks of patiently listening, he had earned the privilege of saying something very important - so he answered as best he could. That day Steve McQueen found some answers to his quest for personal meaning through the well-placed words of a good listener.

Like a lot of us, for many years Steve thought he had all the answers and was not seeking guidance from anyone. But because a wise man had been a patient listener, his heart changed and he was transformed into an absorbent sponge ready to soak up any advice that might bring more meaning to his life.

You may be familiar with one of the memorable roles McQueen played on the silver screen in The Great Escape. In that movie, he portrayed a soldier trying to get back to safety by motorcycle from behind enemy lines in his escape from a prison camp. In real life, Steve McQueen escaped his prison of hopelessness and futility because someone took the time to listen to him. This quiet listening leader helped Steve to escape the barbed-wire entanglement of frustration which had ensnared him for so long.

A mere two years later, with his body eaten up by incurable cancer, Steve was found dead laying on his bed with a Bible opened on his chest. Because of a good listener, Steve had discovered the inner peace he had been searching for.

“Learn to listen and discover life.”

The King of Virtues

“Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.” - Dag Hammarskjold

Coretta Scott King, the wife of the martyred civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr., was a courageous and strong woman. To me she epitomized forgiveness. When I was living in Atlanta I had the opportunity to meet her and go on a private walking tour of her late husband’s museum. The thing that impressed me most was her ability to resist the hatred and negativity her personal experiences could have fomented in her heart and see how she became a positive force for the sake of the oppressed and down-trodden.

I have witnessed a lot of misery suffered by people who have been abused and hurt by the powers of this world. When we feel we have been cheated by life – we can make a choice either to allow ourselves to become bitter and withdrawn or we can decide to learn from the experience and become better as a result of putting it into our memory bank for future application.

At the age of 16 my parents were divorced and my world seemed to come apart at the seems. I was angry to think that I had been cheated out of my right to be happy. But this was not the end of my life as I supposed. It was merely a temporary detour that eventually helped me move in a very positive direction. Psychologists tell us that it is how we choose to interpret what happens in our life, more than the actual circumstances and experiences, which determines the impact they will have on us. Will our hurts make us bitter or better … we get to decide!

Here is my observation: It is the one who has been wronged who has all the power, not the one who does the wrong. And our power comes in the form of forgiveness. When we forgive we liberate ourselves to live our life more fully. Coretta Scott King discovered that truth early in her life and as a consequence was able to do no end of good for others.

“Forgiveness, in the hands of those who have been wronged, is one of the most powerful forces in the world.”

If I knew Then, What I Know Now

“Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.” - Winston Churchill

When I was a young man in college I never dreamed how important computers would become to all of us. One special guest lecturer who visited our campus was Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper (Commander at the time) who was the pioneer developer of the embryonic computer and programming language for the US Navy. I thought all this computer stuff was just for mathematicians and egg-heads. I knew computers would never be of any practical use to me later in life.

I was focused on how I would enjoy my journey (playing sports and dating girls) with little thought as to where the trip would take me. It seems stupid now as I think about it, but that is just the point – I had no real plan. I was a kid who still thought in terms of doing what was fun at the time and did not think about where my daily choices might take me. Well, I grew up and learned many valuable lessons along the way; one of the most important being, that I needed to have a vision for where I wanted to go in life and then focus on how I was going to get there..

A very valuable piece of advice I received in this regard was from a mentor who had worked for many years as a manager in the business world. He shared that even the most daunting task can be broken down into smaller pieces that are more easily doable. In the same way, our life’s goals can be broken into bite–sized chunks that are not so difficult to achieve, one at a time. First, we need to decide what we want to accomplish and work back from there to where we are now to find our starting point.

My highest personal priority in life has always been to be an “impact player.” When I finally got serious about making a plan for my life, I decided to seek out someone who had led that kind of a life and learn from them. So I did just that and one thing has lead to another … and here I am. Notice that I focused on “what” I wanted to do, first and then “how” I would do it… I followed my dream and have discovered that the “steps” have taken care of themselves as I stayed focused on “the vision.”

If I had a plan as a young man in college, it was to never use a computer again once that computer science class was over. Now here I am sitting at my laptop sharing this idea. Isn’t it ironic how our methods can change even when our vision stays the same? If I knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself a lot of the frustration I felt early in life by focusing more on my objective than the methods by which I would achieve it.

“When you make your plans, first focus on where you want to go and then how you go about it will more easily fall into place.”

Bad Taste In Your Mouth

“Gossip is a sort of smoke that comes from the dirty tobacco-pipes of those who diffuse it: it proves nothing but the bad taste of the smoker.” - George Eliot

Can you control your tongue? Few of us have mastered this small part of our anatomy. You have heard it said, that “the only time some people open their mouth, is to change feet!” A foot is sure to leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth. Our tongue is a powerful force which can be used for good or evil. Try to master yours if you can.

Some leaders don’t realize the power of the words coming out of their mouth. Everything they say has an impact just by virtue of their personality and position. And because they are in charge, there is often no one who will openly point out their fault.

In college I had a friend who was always criticizing others. It got so bad that I found myself thinking about ways to avoid spending any serious time together. Then it hit me that I had a responsibility to redirect his thinking and behavior. I could be a positive influence in his life that would possibly redirect his negativity. What a blessing to my soul when he commented one day that I had impressed him with how kind my remarks seemed to be about others and that I had caused him to reflect on how he could improve in this area of his own life. The message had come through to his heart without having to preach a sermon to my friend.

When you have something important to say – how do you go about it? When you have something that doesn’t need to be said, can you keep your mouth shut? Putting our foot in our own mouth is only surpassed in recklessness by cramming our ideas down someone else’s throat – both can leave an equally bad taste behind and might even cause someone to choke!

“Learn to harness the power of your tongue and use it wisely.”

It Will Wreck Your Life

“Confidence... thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

A dishonest life is full of rot and will be exposed, causing us great embarrassment. It is not a question of “if” but “when” will you be exposed? Writers across the ages have exalted the virtue of honesty. Where does this trait stand in your set of values? I am ashamed to admit that I have sometimes struggled with being completely honest. Maybe you have been tempted in this area of your life too.

Years ago, I learned a very important lesson about verbal honesty that is seared on my consciousness – I hope it will help you as it has helped me. A friend of mine wanted to come visit me for the weekend but had responsibilities at his church which needed his attention. In order to get permission to leave, he told the entire congregation that I had been hurt in a car accident and that he was needed at my bedside. Unknown to my friend, someone in the audience knew a girl I was dating and found out that my friend was lying – what an embarrassment when the truth leaked out!

The theory of six degrees of separation says that no one is more than six relationships removed from anyone else. This idea is not just about networking – it speaks to our need to be honest as well. Once we are proven to be dishonest, it is difficult to regain the trust of others. Confess your lie immediately, take back the thing you stole; don’t let it go uncorrected. It will fester and start to erode your character. You will be exposed and humiliated. Face up to your failure and admit that it is wrong. Then you will have healing and restoration. There is nothing so pure and strong as a man with a clear conscience.

“Determine that honesty will be a hallmark of your life and pay scrupulous attention to maintaining it at all times, no matter what the cost.”

The Oscar

“Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing.” - Vince Lombardi

Who will win the Oscar? It is always a horse race until the very end, but along the way we are given some important clues. Just as in life, the race does not always go to the hardest worker or most gifted. The award sometimes goes to the most popular or charismatic.

When you are recognized for your life’s work, will you be deserving of the accolades you crave or will the ceremony be a sham in which you can take no pride or pleasure? The choice is yours because the path leading to the winner’s podium is cobbled now as you are far distant from the finish line.

Choices; in the beginning we make them and in the end, they make us. What kind of choices are you making today that will lead you into the winner’s circle despite the dictates of popular opinion?

Live according to the promptings of your heart. You know what to do! Even when they are not immediately gratifying, cling to the values you know are correct. Do what is right. Virtue is its own reward. And when the final verdict is rendered, you will know in your heart that you held nothing in reserve. That will be your reward and no one can take it from you.

“If you give your best every day, you will be given the Oscar for the performance your life.”

She'll Steal Your Heart

“I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.” – John D. Rockefeller

Illicit sex and moral laxity are more readily accepted in our culture than they should be. The implications of this permissiveness go far deeper than one might think. Anything that ignites our desires and passions to the detriment of our good judgment and common sense could be considered a harlot who would potentially steal our heart and fracture our life.

Who or what is the harlot that wants to steal your life? What is it that has potential to bring ruin upon you if you give in to its unhealthy attraction? It might be sex, food, drugs, lust for power or influence – maybe it is ambition. The very definition of an addiction is a compulsion to embrace destructive behavior despite its detrimental effects. We have seen this weakness illustrated time and again in the lives of famous men and women who are consumed by some uncontrolled appetite. Is there anything in your life that you find yourself doing no matter how bad the potential consequences may be?

We don’t usually set out to destroy our self. More than likely, we are just trying to have a good time or escape the pressures of our life for a while by having a little fun. Years ago in Wheeling, WV I met a brilliant flame that burned out too early; his name was Roger Miller. Backstage, Roger was about to go out for a performance. He was drunk and smoking like a house on fire. Roger was a man of great musical talent and humor – a gifted individual, but just a few short years later he was dead of cancer at the age of 56. His untimely death was undoubtedly hastened by his bad habits and a fast life lived on the road. What a tragic waste! All the talent in the world could not overcome the harlot of hard living and the reckless pursuit of pleasure.

If we have a clear mission in our life we will not be easily distracted by the sideshows along the way. A lot of leaders push themselves very hard most of the time and in that environment it is easy to tell yourself that you deserve a little break from the pressure. I agree with that philosophy; work hard and play hard. The problems come in the choice of our play. Take time to relax and give yourself some margin, by all means, but don’t do something stupid that could erase all your hard work up to now.

Find appropriate outlets for your recreation that will let you slow down and enjoy yourself but that do not have the potential to destroy you. Take time to think, rest, reflect and enjoy others – all with the thought of building yourself up, not tearing yourself down.

“Don’t give in to your unseemly passions. Learn to have fun without letting it become wreck-reation.”

Protecting Home Plate

“The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.” - Zig Zigler

If I had the space here and you had the time, I would innumerate some of the horrible results of sexual infidelity I have personally observed over the years and chronicle for you how destructive and predictable each scenario has been.

As a young boy, my parents’ divorce devastated me. I was 17 and my brother was 15. Our whole world seemed to fall apart when we discovered the terrible truth that was affecting us so harshly. And it didn’t affect only us; it caused an implosion in the lives of everyone around us. The damage is still evident today – almost 40 years later.

I was a guest on a famous Christian couple’s television set several years ago. As I visited with the various personalities before the program, I could feel how plastic and superficial the atmosphere was in that place but could not lay my finger on why I was catching that vibe. Toward the end of my visit I was told directly that one very attractive staff woman was the “former wife” of one of the other staff on the program who was now sporting a new wife who also worked there. I could not understand how that would be the case in a so-called “Christian ministry” and was very disturbed by the nonchalant manner in which this had been shared with me – like it was no big deal. Months later we all discovered this was only the tip of the iceberg as news came to the public of the fall of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker’s PTL Club. To me it came as a sad confirmation.

Sexual morality is the foundation of healthy relationships with others. That may seem like an outdated idea but I have seen it proven true over and over again. What a person does in their private life is a strong indication of what is going on in their heart. And what could be more private than the sexual relationship you have with your spouse? If a leader is unfaithful to his spouse, he is unfaithful to all who would follow him. This is so because the marriage relationship is foundational to all other relationships we form in society and mirrors our character.

Whether you entered into your marriage carefully as a responsible adult or impulsively as an immature kid; your marriage is a lifelong promise to fidelity – and leaders keep their promises. Marriage is a commitment to stay with a partner regardless of failure or disappointment and is the greatest example of integrity we have in human relationships. Even if we are single, marriage is the “gold standard” by which all other relationships are measured. It is based on a promise that puts someone else’s interests ahead of our own.

The argument is often proffered, “Why should I spend the rest of my life suffering for a single mistake I made in choosing a bad marriage partner?” I would answer with another question, “Does running from bad decisions, solve them?” No, we solve problems by working through them. And even if we cannot solve a problem, we try with all our resources to do so before we change direction. Then we live with any negative consequences knowing we did everything we could to avoid them. A bad marriage is a terrible thing – we all know that. But in a day and age when everything seems disposable, whatever happened to keeping your word even when it hurts you? I value my reputation for integrity more than my personal comfort.

A leader must be willing to serve his followers regardless of the cost. Leadership, like marriage, is as much a responsibility as it is a privilege and is based on trust earned over time through hard work. If a follower cannot trust you, they will not follow you. Personal integrity is a foundational principal on which your leadership is affirmed.

“Integrity starts at home. Learn to be a person of your word and stick with your commitments even when you no longer feel like it.”

The Message of Leadership

I wrote the Message of Leadership as an inspirational book for leaders of all kinds. It contains 31 daily readings on different topics inspired by the 31 chapters of the ancient book of Proverbs which was written by the wisest man who ever lived.

My goal was to combine these proverbs with pithy personal insights and stories that will make a leader think about the way they exert their gift of leadership on those around them. It is suitable as a gift for those graduating from school, leaders in government, teachers, business associates, moms or anyone who leads others or aspires to do so. I originally intended it as a special way to say thanks to those who give of themselves for our benefit.

Not only will you get my inspirational thoughts, but you will also receive the entire book of Proverbs as translated by Eugene Peterson in "The Message." The volume comes either in the regular paperback edition or a special first edition cover and I will gladly autograph it to you upon request. This book is available directly from: http://www.danielsouthern.com/products.html

I hope this little book of insights will be a blessing to you.

Who is the DSLG Team?

I am often asked, "How can I be a part of the Daniel Southern Leadership Group (DSLG) Team?"

Anyone can be part of our movement to lift the standard of business practice and live a life of integrity. We believe that everything we do flows out of the personal life of the individual. If we guard our habits and behavior scrupulously, even when no one is watching, we will be protecting not only the essence of who we are, but the by-products of our life. This is a commitment which includes everything we do through our personal, business and civic involvement. If you agree with this philosophy, you may qualify as a member of the DSLG Team but at different levels of involvement.

To be a trainer, speaker, coach or consultant for DSLG, you must have at least three things going for you:

1. You must have already accomplished things in your professional life that position you as a model and standard in your field of endeavor for others to emulate; In other words, you must enjoy a certain amount of celebrity in your chosen field of endeavor.

2. You must be able to share your story effectively with others; This includes having published material we can use to promulgate your message and the ability to effectively articulate your message to a live audience.

3. You must speak from a life that demonstrates the integrity of your message.

We call these select few individuals - DSLG Spokespersons.

Although we may have only a few spokespersons, everyone is invited to be a member of our Team by becoming a DSLG Insider or a member of the Leadership Circle with whom we share our principals and encouragement for a subscription fee. Or you might just want to watch what we are doing and operate by the principles we espouse - it's up to you! Any of these various levels of involvement qualify you to be a DSLG Team Member.

Whatever the level of your participation, we encourage you to strive for excellence and we welcome you aboard! Together through commitment and dedication to our core values, we can make a difference in our world.