Expectations

This picture came to my inbox today and got me thinking about “Expectations.” I once saw an interview of Warren Buffet and his longtime partner (who no one has ever heard of) Charlie Munger. The question was asked of them how they got along so well for so many years? They glanced at each other and without hesitation Charlie said,” We have very low expectations of one another.” Wow! There is an insight that everyone needs to understand!

As we approach Christmas, what does this truth mean to us? First it means that God has low expectations of you and me. When God became a man (Jesus Christ), he was willing to sacrifice everything and humble himself in the hope that we would respond to his free gift of love but he had no assurance we would. He had high hopes but low expectations of our desire to reconnect with him as our savior and creator. He gives with no expectation of a return on his investment. He even offers to pay the price of our admission to heaven for free. All we need to do is believe in him.

Secondly, we need to lower our expectations of God. Not because he cannot deliver but because when he does deliver it is always out of love and not because we demand it. We also need to understand that as God, he knows best and therefore does not give us everything we expect or even want because it would undoubtedly ruin our lives. We give ourselves to God with no expectation of what he will do with our life. We simply know that he has our best at heart.

Thirdly, we will get along better with others if we lower our expectations of them. Not only are you imperfect but so is everyone else. Let’s stop judging others by our own standards. That does not mean we expect nothing but let’s realize that there is a lot more going on than we realize and we need to be as generous as possible in expressing our judgment of others. We can afford to lower our expectations of others and it will reap large dividends.

When God became a man over 2000 years ago and lived among us, he gave up all his Kingly prerogatives to show us how much he loved us. In this Christmas Season are you willing to follow his example? This is the secret to a long-lasting relationship with God and others.

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.” Luke 2:11-12 King James Version (KJV)

Magic Formula

“Positive thinking by itself does not work. Your embodied vision, partnered with vibrant thinking, harmonized with active listening, and supported with your conscious action - will clear the path for your Miracles.” ~ Sumner M. Davenport

What is the secret handshake; the magic formula; the correct prayer that will bring us what we want? I hear it a lot; “Why doesn't God answer my prayers?”

The short answer is that I don’t know. But let me share a few things I do know that will take the edge off of your frustration and bolster your confidence toward God.

1. God is not a vending machine - If He was it wouldn't do us much good because we would always get what we want and sometimes we need someone to say, “No!” If I always got what I wanted, I would be in a lot of trouble.

2. God knows everything that is going on and only He can deliver the perfect answer that fits all the needs - If we were the only people and this was the only time maybe we could figure it all out by our self, but sadly this is not the case and we live in a very complicated world far beyond our comprehension.

3. You can absolutely trust God – no matter what happens God is completely reliable. True, He is not always on your side but you can always be on His side. Line yourself up with His purposes and character and you will be in a position to be blessed by God.

4. We will get the best result in the end – God promises us that everything will work out for the best possible outcome if we are aligned with Him. Our problem is that we do not trust God to do things in His way but we want to do it all our way. Sometimes pain is necessary to get the desired result. Ask any Olympic athlete about their training schedule and they will gladly enlighten you on this point.

5. Trusting God is the point of the exercise – Things will work out in the end and we will have the best result we could ever imagine, but the important thing is for us to be aligned with our Heavenly Father. It’s not about getting what we want; it is about becoming what He wants.

As I lay in bed last night it hit me hard that I do not really believe what I am constantly saying to others about God. I only believe when my life is good and I do not have any challenges. I want to change that fact about myself. When my child has a disease or my job goes down the toilet or I cannot stop a relationship from failing – that is when I want to learn to trust God; that is real trust!

The magic formula is to trust God. He will never fail us.

Dreamers

“Status Quo is just a Latin phrase describing the mess we are in.”

Are you inclined to think about how things could be or ought to be or do you more often bemoan the way they really are? A dreamer should be a person who wants to be a difference-maker. They are not content just to identify the problem; they want to help fix it and make the world a better place.

There is a fine balance between being a dreamer and just being discontent with our circumstances. It is possible to make yourself miserable by finding something wrong with everything that happens ... and that is not dreaming; it’s complaining! A complainer is selfish and worried about themselves ahead of everyone else.

Most dreamers never get engaged in problem-solving. They dream about the way things should be but they cannot connect the dots in a constructive manner and just leave us all dissatisfied and ill at ease with the status quo. A lot of news and particularly political analysts are this type of dreamers; we typically call them idealists or even critics. They are people who are disconnected from reality and can only find fault and never seem to know what the solution is.

So we have dreamers who are self-centered, dreamers who are just critics or complainers and dreamers who have no answers. Let me propose another kind of dreamer that we should all seek to become. Let’s be dreamers who are change-agents. Let’s strive to spend as much time on problem-solving as we spend on identifying the problem. Or if we don’t have enough good ideas let’s try to partner with someone who does, instead of providing just half the formula and frustrating everyone around us.

I love dreamers and want to be classified as a visionary person myself. But let’s not be satisfied with just half the formula and end up pointing out the obvious and failing to provide what’s needed most – solutions. That will separate you from all the rest and confirm your right to be a dreamer!

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.” ~ T.E. Lawrence

Mistakes

“We made too many wrong mistakes.” ~ Yogi Berra

My life has been plagued with all kinds of miscues and errors in judgment. After almost 60 years on the planet, I would like to think I am getting smarter and that my experience would count for more, but surprisingly it doesn't seem to work that way as often as it should. How are you doing in that department? It’s not that I don’t know what to do as much as failing in the application of my insight. For example, I have always been a kidder and liked to laugh. As a young man this trait often led me into trouble but it also made me the life of the party. On more than one occasion I remember coming home after being with a group of friends and thinking that I had made a fool out of myself by all that I had said. Other times my embarrassment was just a result of a miscalculation in human relations or perhaps insensitivity to someone’s feelings.

I don’t remember ever going out to intentionally hurt anyone or to be mean just for the sake of it. Introspection has been a habit for me. That’s where the lessons come in. After the dust has settled I usually evaluate what has happened and how I could correct it next time. But that doesn't erase the mistake. Some of my mistakes still burn in my heart even years afterward.

It’s not always about relationships or social skills; sometimes my mistakes have to do with money or my job or just priorities. Let’s face it – no one is perfect and mistakes happen. The more I attempt to do, the more mistakes I make. But here is the good news: we are not judged by our inconsistencies but by our consistencies. Mistakes are a part of life but so is forgiveness and redemption.

My mistakes have made me more tender to others and deepened me more than any other thing in my life. So I have become philosophical about my mistakes and learned to embrace them. My scars are actually medals of honor and badges of battles lost and won – all part of the story called my life. I’m not proud of my failures but I value them as part of the process making me into the man I am becoming. There is one mistake I hope I am never guilty of committing; not profiting from my mistakes and allowing them to make me into a better person.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” ~ Bruce Lee

What Happened to the Light?

“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

The light was there first and then came the darkness. We have lost our way and wander in darkness. Unless we seek out the light we will be lost. But where do we go to find the light and how can it be restored so we can all walk in the light continuously and habitually?

The first step is to realize that we ourselves are not the light. That is not to say that we cannot have light within us or that we do not have any good in us at all. But our natural propensity is not to seek out the light but rather we love the darkness more than the light. You see light exposes darkness and we all have some dark secrets and behavior that we would rather not have exposed.

When we are committed to bring the light to those in darkness, we will face adversity. I was raised in a very strict and conservative environment. There is nothing wrong with that and I am not ashamed of it. But my mistake in that early stage of life was to think that those in darkness were somehow not as good as me… and I definitely gave off that vibe. This was very unhelpful in my relationships and alienated me from those who needed what I had access to. So the second step is to realize that we are just mirrors who can reflect the light but in substance we are no better than those in darkness. We are all really the same. If we do not grasp this immediately, we are destined to lose contact with those we seek to serve. Someone has said it best when he said,” we are just beggars seeking to show other beggars where we have found bread.”

The light can be found only on a spiritual plane. It is not the way of the world and the world generally does not operate according to the light. Again, we see many good things in the world and they are useful to us, but we should not be deceived into thinking that the world is friendly to the light. Its systems are dramatically opposed to the light and they will undermine our journey to the light if we do not stay vigilant.

Let’s take the notion of love as an example. I love my wife and she is precious to me. But that does not mean I always act in love toward her in every situation. In fact, most times I act in my own self interest and not hers. I don’t mean to behave in this way nor is it my design, but I naturally slip into this pattern if I am not constantly vigilant.

The third step is to realize that our combined light shines brighter than we can ever shine alone. By that I mean that we should associate with others who have the same values, encourage one another and hold one another accountable to operate in a certain way. Community is essential to light-bearers. We cannot fight this battle on our own and if we try to do so, we will fail. Seek out those who walk in the light.

Lastly we have an obligation to take the light to those in darkness. Most people who walk habitually in the darkness do not consciously understand their plight and will not naturally seek out the light on their own. I have been fortunate to have a series of very committed and wise friends in my life that brought the light to me. At times it was painful when they revealed my darkness to me. They had to be persistent and patient with me and teach me how to be a light-bearer over many years. I can easily slip off the path if I do not stay alert and practice habits that will keep me in the light. Their light exposed my darkness …many times without saying a word. The comparison of my behavior to theirs was often enough to help me see my error. Will you join me in seeking to be a light in a dark world?

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” ~ Carl Jung

What Grows in the Dark?

“Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.” ~ Terry Pratchett

Among other things, I am a professional life coach and consultant. In that pursuit I have learned over the years that honesty is one of the most important character traits a person can possess. How do we protect that core value? We maintain and cultivate all important core values by making ourselves vulnerable to others and establishing some form of personal accountability. The reason for this is very simple: when left to our own devices, we will cut corners and cheat every time! This fact is as solidly established as the law of gravity. Be careful! You cannot trust your heart or conscience. Over time we will change our convictions to fit the circumstances and our philosophical standards will not hold. We can talk ourselves into almost anything over time.

Some of my closest friends bristle at the idea of accountability and I don’t blame them. Opening our heart to others leaves us very vulnerable and they can hurt us if we do not choose our confidants carefully. Even when extremely cautious, we will sometimes be betrayed. But the prize is worth the risk and the more vulnerable we intentionally make ourselves, the stronger we will become.

I had a very close friend who did not understand this principle. Consequently he had many secrets. Over time he amassed so many dark secrets in his life that he eventually imploded and came apart at the seams. He developed an alcohol and drug problem; he was addicted to pornography and eventually his family and professional life came apart. When I say we were close, I mean that I loved him very much and yet he never came clean even with me. When he eventually committed suicide, I was devastated. I could see the erosion in his life, but I was helpless to assist him because he would not let me in. His secrets kept on growing in the dark and eventually they became monsters which destroyed his life. I become emotional even speaking about his loss. It haunts me to this very day. He was in many ways a fabulous human being and far superior to me, but he never learned to expose his secrets to the light and they crushed him.

You have heard it said that “no man is an island” and it’s true. You must engage others in your life and trust them to care for and encourage you along the way. You cannot bear your burdens alone. Bring them to the light and they will die. Leave them in the dark and they will grow. They will only come into the light kicking and screaming. It will be painful and they will fight you all the way, but the reward may be to save your life. There is no substitute for honesty and accountability between friends.

“Est rosa flos Veneris cujus quo furta laterent.”

“The discourses of the table among true loving friends are held in strict silence.” ~ Sir Thomas Browne

Crutches

My beautiful daughter had an injury recently and needed crutches to get around for weeks afterward. Actually, she needed more than that, but her crutches were the last thing to go. It wasn't easy to give them up either. At first they were essential and then they became less important physically but more and more important psychologically.

Eliminating your crutches is not as easy as you might think. There is a fine line between giving them up at the correct time and giving them up too early, which might cause you to develop a limp that you could carry with you the rest of your life.

We all have something we use as a crutch. When we are in trouble a crutch may be just the thing to help us out; that’s not entirely bad, but we need to get rid of the crutch at the right time so we can learn to walk on our own again.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but nothing is meant to be our perpetual crutch. In reality, the plan is for us to eventually be able to stand on our own intellectually, emotionally and psychologically. We will never be able to handle all our own problems, but we must learn to be normal to the fullest extent possible. We are all dependent to a certain extent but we must not be permanently debilitated by our situation or circumstances. The goal for each of us is that we would be complete and whole as an individual.

The danger is in not finding the balance between trying to go it alone in life and ending up limping through it, or never trying to walk on our own and not maturing to become that which we were intended to be.

“Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.” ~ H. L. Hunt

War of the Mind

“My greatest point is my persistence. I never give up in a match. However down I am, I fight until the last ball. My list of matches shows that I have turned a great many so-called irretrievable defeats into victories.” ~ Bjorn Borg

I have a very simple message for you today – Don’t quit! Everyone I have known who has experienced great success over a long period of time, has one characteristic in common; persistence. You don’t have to be the best at what you do. If you stick with it, you will find you outlast them all and win simply by attrition. The fact is that everyone else will quit and you will be the last one standing. You must win the war of the mind.

I would rather win because I am the smartest, best, and most talented, but someone else can beat me in every one of these categories. However, I can decide that I will never quit, never stop and never give in. That is my choice and I am committed to finishing what I begin. How about you? You may not always make the right decision but you can make your decision right if you will stick with it and perfect it until it is just what it needs to be.

How often have you quit just as victory was within your grasp, but you didn’t realize it so you gave up and missed your dream? We will never know the answer to that particular question, but we can rest assured that we did not miss our mark if we never quit and learn to press on despite the discouragement and pressure to withdraw.

I was never the best or most talented so early in my life I had to decide that I would be the most committed and it has paid off handsomely. Billy Graham is my hero. He has addressed more people face to face than any man who has ever lived. One of my greatest successes was to lead the largest public gathering Billy Graham ever held in North America. We were under-staffed, under-funded and had no real momentum going for us. I will never forget that we held a rally the week before our meeting was to take place and less than 1200 people showed up! We were in a jam and our backs were to the wall but we did not give up and a week later we had 250,000 people crowding into New York City’s Central Park. Our meeting was a record for Billy and a personal high point for me. The next day, an aerial photo of the gathering appeared on the front page of the New York Times - above the fold. We had realized our dream – and then some.

You are a winner if you never quit. No matter what the circumstances or the emotion screaming for you to give in, don’t do it! If you go down, don’t let it be because you held back or second-guessed the outcome. Give it all you have and push to the end. Your victory is at hand!

“Persistence is the ability to force your desired outcome by sheer strength of will and determination.”

Trad'in Up?

Do what you can, where you are, with what you've got." - Teddy Roosevelt

I was raised in the home of a medical doctor. Dad made a good living and provided just about everything we wanted as I was growing up. But the fact is that he and my mother scrimped and saved just to get through Medical school and it profoundly affected both of them and the way our family viewed money. As a result, I don’t waste anything nor am I a spendthrift. When my wife and I first got married, we had more conflict over money matters than probably any other issue – that was 30 years ago and things have changed drastically in the past three decades.

As I was watching TV, I saw an AD for the latest, greatest phone and it occurred to me that I never wear out my phones; I just trade them in on new ones with more and better features - the same is true of cameras, computers and the list goes on. How about you? Our culture is accustomed to “trading up” not “wearing out” the things we use in our life.

What about non-technology like clothes or cars and maybe even relationships? We had some long-time friends who seem to have traded us in on new ones about 2 years ago. When we asked why we didn’t get together anymore, the reply was that they were moving into a different season of their life. It wasn’t just us. They dropped out of church and don’t communicate with most of their old circle of acquaintances. Their decision was very painful and oh so unnecessary.

I see this occasionally in marriages too. One spouse just trades their husband or wife in on a new model. I don’t get it. Well, maybe I can understand getting a new phone, but not a new partner! Figure out how to make your life better by you becoming better, not by ditching those who love you. That will never work, because you will still be stuck with you and that is probably what was broke in the first place… and maybe some of that other old stuff is worth hanging on to for awhile longer? I’m still waiting for my old friends to wake up and come back home.

"Figure out how to make your life better by fixing the old stuff when it breaks."

The King of Virtues

“Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.” - Dag Hammarskjold

Coretta Scott King, the wife of the martyred civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr., was a courageous and strong woman. To me she epitomized forgiveness. When I was living in Atlanta I had the opportunity to meet her and go on a private walking tour of her late husband’s museum. The thing that impressed me most was her ability to resist the hatred and negativity her personal experiences could have fomented in her heart and see how she became a positive force for the sake of the oppressed and down-trodden.

I have witnessed a lot of misery suffered by people who have been abused and hurt by the powers of this world. When we feel we have been cheated by life – we can make a choice either to allow ourselves to become bitter and withdrawn or we can decide to learn from the experience and become better as a result of putting it into our memory bank for future application.

At the age of 16 my parents were divorced and my world seemed to come apart at the seems. I was angry to think that I had been cheated out of my right to be happy. But this was not the end of my life as I supposed. It was merely a temporary detour that eventually helped me move in a very positive direction. Psychologists tell us that it is how we choose to interpret what happens in our life, more than the actual circumstances and experiences, which determines the impact they will have on us. Will our hurts make us bitter or better … we get to decide!

Here is my observation: It is the one who has been wronged who has all the power, not the one who does the wrong. And our power comes in the form of forgiveness. When we forgive we liberate ourselves to live our life more fully. Coretta Scott King discovered that truth early in her life and as a consequence was able to do no end of good for others.

“Forgiveness, in the hands of those who have been wronged, is one of the most powerful forces in the world.”

Down Is The Way Up

“Humility is the foundation of all the other virtues hence, in the soul in which this virtue does not exist there cannot be any other virtue.” - Saint Augustine

Sometimes we are humbled to test our reaction before we can be lifted up. Have you been embarrassed or ashamed only to discover later that your experience was supremely valuable? Maybe your failure turned your life in an important direction that nothing else could have accomplished. I don’t seem to learn very much when everything is going wonderfully. It is usually my failures that get my attention best. What about you?

A dear friend of mine was fresh out of college and invited to try out for a professional football team. In college he had been a force to reckon with as a defensive cornerback. But my friend was beat time and again that day by a rookie quarterback and wide-receiver combo that were also hoping to make big-time professional sports. My friend was cut from the team - a little discouraged, yes, but undeterred in his pursuit of excellence. He went on to be a very successful attorney with a career that lasted many decades.

I have found that down is often the way up. Anyone can handle success, but how we handle failure is a sign of greatness. Most leaders will suffer setbacks and discouragement; it goes with the territory if you are trying to accomplish something great. The one who is always playing it safe will never find out what kind of stuff they are made of.

Our failures and disappointments are not always what they appear to be either – maybe they are really just momentary set-backs as we focus in on the best course for our life. You may have heard of the quarterback that beat my friend that day in try-outs; his name was Johnny Unitas and the wide-receiver was none other than Raymond Berry – two of the greatest players to ever represent the Baltimore Colts and now both in the NFL Hall Of Fame.

“It is only after we humble ourselves that we are ready to be lifted up.”

The Last One to Let You Down

“But friendship is precious; not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.” - Thomas Jefferson

Former Senator Sam Nunn from Georgia was a wonderful gentleman and a strong leader. In his coat pocket, he always carried a very small leather-bound New Testament which he had received years ago from his special friend, Billy Graham. Mr. Graham was not just a public figure, he was a man on a mission and it positively affected everyone who encountered him. Now that is true friendship; to leave a spiritual impact on those around us! What kind of impact have you had on your friends? What kind of impact have your friends had on you?

When I was in my late 20’s and just starting out in my career, an older wiser man invited me out to lunch because he wanted to have a straight talk with me. He had observed some dangerous tendencies in my life and was willing to point them out to me as a friend. I was surprised and crushed by his words at the same time. From my vantage point, everything he thought he was seeing in me was wrong and I was an innocent person. Oh, really?! In the coming days, weeks and even years, I came to see the truth of some of his observations and at the very least, the danger of appearing to have some bad attitudes by the way I behaved.

That old man remained my faithful friend to the day he died not long ago and his words still help me. But I have had the other sort of friend too. Those who have not stood by me in need and some who were of bad character and dragged me down by their defective world view. Be very careful of the friends you choose. They have a dramatic impact on how you interpret life and the choices you make. The same can be said of business associates, partners, your spouse and anyone else you let into your life. If we choose foolish people to share our world we will end up as a fool our self.

We all need at least 6 good friends because that’s how many men it will take to
carry our casket to the grave. Quite literally, your friends should be the last to let you down.

“Choose your friends carefully.”

Bad Taste In Your Mouth

“Gossip is a sort of smoke that comes from the dirty tobacco-pipes of those who diffuse it: it proves nothing but the bad taste of the smoker.” - George Eliot

Can you control your tongue? Few of us have mastered this small part of our anatomy. You have heard it said, that “the only time some people open their mouth, is to change feet!” A foot is sure to leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth. Our tongue is a powerful force which can be used for good or evil. Try to master yours if you can.

Some leaders don’t realize the power of the words coming out of their mouth. Everything they say has an impact just by virtue of their personality and position. And because they are in charge, there is often no one who will openly point out their fault.

In college I had a friend who was always criticizing others. It got so bad that I found myself thinking about ways to avoid spending any serious time together. Then it hit me that I had a responsibility to redirect his thinking and behavior. I could be a positive influence in his life that would possibly redirect his negativity. What a blessing to my soul when he commented one day that I had impressed him with how kind my remarks seemed to be about others and that I had caused him to reflect on how he could improve in this area of his own life. The message had come through to his heart without having to preach a sermon to my friend.

When you have something important to say – how do you go about it? When you have something that doesn’t need to be said, can you keep your mouth shut? Putting our foot in our own mouth is only surpassed in recklessness by cramming our ideas down someone else’s throat – both can leave an equally bad taste behind and might even cause someone to choke!

“Learn to harness the power of your tongue and use it wisely.”

It Will Wreck Your Life

“Confidence... thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

A dishonest life is full of rot and will be exposed, causing us great embarrassment. It is not a question of “if” but “when” will you be exposed? Writers across the ages have exalted the virtue of honesty. Where does this trait stand in your set of values? I am ashamed to admit that I have sometimes struggled with being completely honest. Maybe you have been tempted in this area of your life too.

Years ago, I learned a very important lesson about verbal honesty that is seared on my consciousness – I hope it will help you as it has helped me. A friend of mine wanted to come visit me for the weekend but had responsibilities at his church which needed his attention. In order to get permission to leave, he told the entire congregation that I had been hurt in a car accident and that he was needed at my bedside. Unknown to my friend, someone in the audience knew a girl I was dating and found out that my friend was lying – what an embarrassment when the truth leaked out!

The theory of six degrees of separation says that no one is more than six relationships removed from anyone else. This idea is not just about networking – it speaks to our need to be honest as well. Once we are proven to be dishonest, it is difficult to regain the trust of others. Confess your lie immediately, take back the thing you stole; don’t let it go uncorrected. It will fester and start to erode your character. You will be exposed and humiliated. Face up to your failure and admit that it is wrong. Then you will have healing and restoration. There is nothing so pure and strong as a man with a clear conscience.

“Determine that honesty will be a hallmark of your life and pay scrupulous attention to maintaining it at all times, no matter what the cost.”

The Oscar

“Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing.” - Vince Lombardi

Who will win the Oscar? It is always a horse race until the very end, but along the way we are given some important clues. Just as in life, the race does not always go to the hardest worker or most gifted. The award sometimes goes to the most popular or charismatic.

When you are recognized for your life’s work, will you be deserving of the accolades you crave or will the ceremony be a sham in which you can take no pride or pleasure? The choice is yours because the path leading to the winner’s podium is cobbled now as you are far distant from the finish line.

Choices; in the beginning we make them and in the end, they make us. What kind of choices are you making today that will lead you into the winner’s circle despite the dictates of popular opinion?

Live according to the promptings of your heart. You know what to do! Even when they are not immediately gratifying, cling to the values you know are correct. Do what is right. Virtue is its own reward. And when the final verdict is rendered, you will know in your heart that you held nothing in reserve. That will be your reward and no one can take it from you.

“If you give your best every day, you will be given the Oscar for the performance your life.”

The Choice Is Yours

“It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - J. K. Rowling

You choose what kind of person you will become through thousands of little decisions you make every day. Your choices have a lasting effect on who you will become. Even when bad things happen that are beyond your control, you have a choice as to how you will interpret and respond to the situation and whether or not it will make you better or bitter.

In the coffee shop of the Atlanta airport Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World – Kenny Norton, sent an autograph seeker away with the terse remark – “Get out of here, can’t you see I am eating!” The dejected sailor turned and walked away from his hero and straight toward me. I felt compassion for the navy seaman dressed in his white uniform so I tried to encourage him. As we talked over a cup of coffee, he opened up and our conversation went quickly to a much deeper level than either of us had expected.

That seaman had started out seeking his hero’s autograph and meeting disappointment; he ended up talking to someone just as ordinary as he was and making a new friend.

I was very unimpressed with the boxer that day and very pleasantly surprised by the sailor. In the eyes of many, the boxer had made all the right moves but I saw something else. I was looking at a man who had made some choices that had given him a black eye – at least in the mind of two people I knew. He had fought for fortune and fame and lost his compassion for others. Whether or not to devalue others is a choice we all face at one time or another. Choose carefully, your choice will either build your legacy or tear it down. Choices – we all make them every day. But in the end – they make us.

“Choose to cultivate your inner person and don’t sacrifice your character on the road to success.”

Believe In Me

“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.” – Karen Ravn

I have been blessed to be surrounded by many wonderful friends who can be brutally honest with me when needed. They tell me when I am on track and when I am not. When their feedback tells me I need a course correction, it is usually done in a positive way so I can receive it with benefit. I'm thankful for those kind of friends.

A good friend believes in you but doesn't only say what you want to hear. They are an encourager who shores you up when you are down and brings you down to earth when you are too high on yourself. A friend is a leveler.

My life has been riddled with great successes and sometimes even greater failures. The usual course of action is to hide the failure and publish the success, but as I grow older I am not inclined to do that so much. What I want most is to learn the valuable lessons embedded in my failures so I can become the person I am intended to be. I don't usually learn much from my success.

Failure is not fatal unless we run from it. Our success is far more likely to damage us because it can create an unreliable sense of importance that causes us to think more highly of our self than we ought. Success should never make us feel invincible because that is when we are most vulnerable. On the other hand, success can give us the confidence we need to attempt that which is beyond our immediate reach; it helps us believe in our self when no one else does.

I seem to have always had encouragers around me. When my life was the darkest, they gave me light. I want to do that for others too. I want to have the eyes to see the need in those around me and a tongue that will speak the words of life they need to hear. What a wonderful impact we could have if we valued others in that way.

I want to be a “Believer.”I need to believe in myself and to have others believe in me too. I cannot ever give up on myself and hope those around me never will either. I want to believe in people who are failing; to believe they can succeed. I want to lift them up with my words of encouragement and show them that their failures will never be fatal if they use them wisely to build a foundation for their future success. I want them to realize that everything which comes into our life is useful if properly employed. I want to believe in others the way I need for them to believe in me.

“Encouragement is the mortar holding our failures and successes together like bricks so we can make something beautiful of our life.”

She'll Steal Your Heart

“I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.” – John D. Rockefeller

Illicit sex and moral laxity are more readily accepted in our culture than they should be. The implications of this permissiveness go far deeper than one might think. Anything that ignites our desires and passions to the detriment of our good judgment and common sense could be considered a harlot who would potentially steal our heart and fracture our life.

Who or what is the harlot that wants to steal your life? What is it that has potential to bring ruin upon you if you give in to its unhealthy attraction? It might be sex, food, drugs, lust for power or influence – maybe it is ambition. The very definition of an addiction is a compulsion to embrace destructive behavior despite its detrimental effects. We have seen this weakness illustrated time and again in the lives of famous men and women who are consumed by some uncontrolled appetite. Is there anything in your life that you find yourself doing no matter how bad the potential consequences may be?

We don’t usually set out to destroy our self. More than likely, we are just trying to have a good time or escape the pressures of our life for a while by having a little fun. Years ago in Wheeling, WV I met a brilliant flame that burned out too early; his name was Roger Miller. Backstage, Roger was about to go out for a performance. He was drunk and smoking like a house on fire. Roger was a man of great musical talent and humor – a gifted individual, but just a few short years later he was dead of cancer at the age of 56. His untimely death was undoubtedly hastened by his bad habits and a fast life lived on the road. What a tragic waste! All the talent in the world could not overcome the harlot of hard living and the reckless pursuit of pleasure.

If we have a clear mission in our life we will not be easily distracted by the sideshows along the way. A lot of leaders push themselves very hard most of the time and in that environment it is easy to tell yourself that you deserve a little break from the pressure. I agree with that philosophy; work hard and play hard. The problems come in the choice of our play. Take time to relax and give yourself some margin, by all means, but don’t do something stupid that could erase all your hard work up to now.

Find appropriate outlets for your recreation that will let you slow down and enjoy yourself but that do not have the potential to destroy you. Take time to think, rest, reflect and enjoy others – all with the thought of building yourself up, not tearing yourself down.

“Don’t give in to your unseemly passions. Learn to have fun without letting it become wreck-reation.”

Flat Tire on the Fast Track

“He that can have patience can have what he will.” - Benjamin Franklin

An acquaintance of mine bought one of the first DeLoreans to come off the assembly line. It used to belong to John DeLorean himself but he had to give it up. You have probably heard the story of DeLorean’s amazing rise to success in the auto industry with development of the Pontiac GTO and then later his own car make named after himself. But he lost it all; his family, his business and yes, even his car, because he went too far too fast in his pursuit of success. Patience was not a virtue in the fast paced auto industry in which the young and ambitious DeLorean circulated and it may not be in the circles you travel either. Impatience was a major factor in bringing about his downfall; will it bring you down?

What you may not know is that John DeLorean had a major philosophical life-change when he hit the speed bumps of life and reinvented himself as a new person. I think it is safe to say that John learned the truth late in life after he had almost given himself away to his debtors and strangers while traveling down the fast track searching for fame and success.

A very successful and wise businessman once warned me that “you do not go into business but you grow into business.” Take time to build what you want very carefully and thoroughly so it is solid and will resist the bumps in the road that all new ventures inevitably face.

It is never too late to throw our life into reverse if we detect that we are travelling too fast or are on the wrong road. Have courage today. Slow down. Be honest with yourself and work to develop the patience you need to build your own success over time. When we see a door of opportunity, there is nothing wrong with turning the doorknob to see if it will open but a lot of heartache can follow if we break down a door that is locked. I have learned some bitter lessons when I have done this. Being in a hurry to create my success also places a burden on me to sustain that which I have created. On the other hand, when a door is open and I am allowed to go through it without force, I can rest in the knowledge that the timing is correct and the other supporting factors on which I depend are also in place.

“Patiently wait for your success and the results will be greater than you could ever create through the force of your will.”

Protecting Home Plate

“The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.” - Zig Zigler

If I had the space here and you had the time, I would innumerate some of the horrible results of sexual infidelity I have personally observed over the years and chronicle for you how destructive and predictable each scenario has been.

As a young boy, my parents’ divorce devastated me. I was 17 and my brother was 15. Our whole world seemed to fall apart when we discovered the terrible truth that was affecting us so harshly. And it didn’t affect only us; it caused an implosion in the lives of everyone around us. The damage is still evident today – almost 40 years later.

I was a guest on a famous Christian couple’s television set several years ago. As I visited with the various personalities before the program, I could feel how plastic and superficial the atmosphere was in that place but could not lay my finger on why I was catching that vibe. Toward the end of my visit I was told directly that one very attractive staff woman was the “former wife” of one of the other staff on the program who was now sporting a new wife who also worked there. I could not understand how that would be the case in a so-called “Christian ministry” and was very disturbed by the nonchalant manner in which this had been shared with me – like it was no big deal. Months later we all discovered this was only the tip of the iceberg as news came to the public of the fall of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker’s PTL Club. To me it came as a sad confirmation.

Sexual morality is the foundation of healthy relationships with others. That may seem like an outdated idea but I have seen it proven true over and over again. What a person does in their private life is a strong indication of what is going on in their heart. And what could be more private than the sexual relationship you have with your spouse? If a leader is unfaithful to his spouse, he is unfaithful to all who would follow him. This is so because the marriage relationship is foundational to all other relationships we form in society and mirrors our character.

Whether you entered into your marriage carefully as a responsible adult or impulsively as an immature kid; your marriage is a lifelong promise to fidelity – and leaders keep their promises. Marriage is a commitment to stay with a partner regardless of failure or disappointment and is the greatest example of integrity we have in human relationships. Even if we are single, marriage is the “gold standard” by which all other relationships are measured. It is based on a promise that puts someone else’s interests ahead of our own.

The argument is often proffered, “Why should I spend the rest of my life suffering for a single mistake I made in choosing a bad marriage partner?” I would answer with another question, “Does running from bad decisions, solve them?” No, we solve problems by working through them. And even if we cannot solve a problem, we try with all our resources to do so before we change direction. Then we live with any negative consequences knowing we did everything we could to avoid them. A bad marriage is a terrible thing – we all know that. But in a day and age when everything seems disposable, whatever happened to keeping your word even when it hurts you? I value my reputation for integrity more than my personal comfort.

A leader must be willing to serve his followers regardless of the cost. Leadership, like marriage, is as much a responsibility as it is a privilege and is based on trust earned over time through hard work. If a follower cannot trust you, they will not follow you. Personal integrity is a foundational principal on which your leadership is affirmed.

“Integrity starts at home. Learn to be a person of your word and stick with your commitments even when you no longer feel like it.”