Magic Formula

“Positive thinking by itself does not work. Your embodied vision, partnered with vibrant thinking, harmonized with active listening, and supported with your conscious action - will clear the path for your Miracles.” ~ Sumner M. Davenport

What is the secret handshake; the magic formula; the correct prayer that will bring us what we want? I hear it a lot; “Why doesn't God answer my prayers?”

The short answer is that I don’t know. But let me share a few things I do know that will take the edge off of your frustration and bolster your confidence toward God.

1. God is not a vending machine - If He was it wouldn't do us much good because we would always get what we want and sometimes we need someone to say, “No!” If I always got what I wanted, I would be in a lot of trouble.

2. God knows everything that is going on and only He can deliver the perfect answer that fits all the needs - If we were the only people and this was the only time maybe we could figure it all out by our self, but sadly this is not the case and we live in a very complicated world far beyond our comprehension.

3. You can absolutely trust God – no matter what happens God is completely reliable. True, He is not always on your side but you can always be on His side. Line yourself up with His purposes and character and you will be in a position to be blessed by God.

4. We will get the best result in the end – God promises us that everything will work out for the best possible outcome if we are aligned with Him. Our problem is that we do not trust God to do things in His way but we want to do it all our way. Sometimes pain is necessary to get the desired result. Ask any Olympic athlete about their training schedule and they will gladly enlighten you on this point.

5. Trusting God is the point of the exercise – Things will work out in the end and we will have the best result we could ever imagine, but the important thing is for us to be aligned with our Heavenly Father. It’s not about getting what we want; it is about becoming what He wants.

As I lay in bed last night it hit me hard that I do not really believe what I am constantly saying to others about God. I only believe when my life is good and I do not have any challenges. I want to change that fact about myself. When my child has a disease or my job goes down the toilet or I cannot stop a relationship from failing – that is when I want to learn to trust God; that is real trust!

The magic formula is to trust God. He will never fail us.

What Happened to the Light?

“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

The light was there first and then came the darkness. We have lost our way and wander in darkness. Unless we seek out the light we will be lost. But where do we go to find the light and how can it be restored so we can all walk in the light continuously and habitually?

The first step is to realize that we ourselves are not the light. That is not to say that we cannot have light within us or that we do not have any good in us at all. But our natural propensity is not to seek out the light but rather we love the darkness more than the light. You see light exposes darkness and we all have some dark secrets and behavior that we would rather not have exposed.

When we are committed to bring the light to those in darkness, we will face adversity. I was raised in a very strict and conservative environment. There is nothing wrong with that and I am not ashamed of it. But my mistake in that early stage of life was to think that those in darkness were somehow not as good as me… and I definitely gave off that vibe. This was very unhelpful in my relationships and alienated me from those who needed what I had access to. So the second step is to realize that we are just mirrors who can reflect the light but in substance we are no better than those in darkness. We are all really the same. If we do not grasp this immediately, we are destined to lose contact with those we seek to serve. Someone has said it best when he said,” we are just beggars seeking to show other beggars where we have found bread.”

The light can be found only on a spiritual plane. It is not the way of the world and the world generally does not operate according to the light. Again, we see many good things in the world and they are useful to us, but we should not be deceived into thinking that the world is friendly to the light. Its systems are dramatically opposed to the light and they will undermine our journey to the light if we do not stay vigilant.

Let’s take the notion of love as an example. I love my wife and she is precious to me. But that does not mean I always act in love toward her in every situation. In fact, most times I act in my own self interest and not hers. I don’t mean to behave in this way nor is it my design, but I naturally slip into this pattern if I am not constantly vigilant.

The third step is to realize that our combined light shines brighter than we can ever shine alone. By that I mean that we should associate with others who have the same values, encourage one another and hold one another accountable to operate in a certain way. Community is essential to light-bearers. We cannot fight this battle on our own and if we try to do so, we will fail. Seek out those who walk in the light.

Lastly we have an obligation to take the light to those in darkness. Most people who walk habitually in the darkness do not consciously understand their plight and will not naturally seek out the light on their own. I have been fortunate to have a series of very committed and wise friends in my life that brought the light to me. At times it was painful when they revealed my darkness to me. They had to be persistent and patient with me and teach me how to be a light-bearer over many years. I can easily slip off the path if I do not stay alert and practice habits that will keep me in the light. Their light exposed my darkness …many times without saying a word. The comparison of my behavior to theirs was often enough to help me see my error. Will you join me in seeking to be a light in a dark world?

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” ~ Carl Jung

Crutches

My beautiful daughter had an injury recently and needed crutches to get around for weeks afterward. Actually, she needed more than that, but her crutches were the last thing to go. It wasn't easy to give them up either. At first they were essential and then they became less important physically but more and more important psychologically.

Eliminating your crutches is not as easy as you might think. There is a fine line between giving them up at the correct time and giving them up too early, which might cause you to develop a limp that you could carry with you the rest of your life.

We all have something we use as a crutch. When we are in trouble a crutch may be just the thing to help us out; that’s not entirely bad, but we need to get rid of the crutch at the right time so we can learn to walk on our own again.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but nothing is meant to be our perpetual crutch. In reality, the plan is for us to eventually be able to stand on our own intellectually, emotionally and psychologically. We will never be able to handle all our own problems, but we must learn to be normal to the fullest extent possible. We are all dependent to a certain extent but we must not be permanently debilitated by our situation or circumstances. The goal for each of us is that we would be complete and whole as an individual.

The danger is in not finding the balance between trying to go it alone in life and ending up limping through it, or never trying to walk on our own and not maturing to become that which we were intended to be.

“Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.” ~ H. L. Hunt

War of the Mind

“My greatest point is my persistence. I never give up in a match. However down I am, I fight until the last ball. My list of matches shows that I have turned a great many so-called irretrievable defeats into victories.” ~ Bjorn Borg

I have a very simple message for you today – Don’t quit! Everyone I have known who has experienced great success over a long period of time, has one characteristic in common; persistence. You don’t have to be the best at what you do. If you stick with it, you will find you outlast them all and win simply by attrition. The fact is that everyone else will quit and you will be the last one standing. You must win the war of the mind.

I would rather win because I am the smartest, best, and most talented, but someone else can beat me in every one of these categories. However, I can decide that I will never quit, never stop and never give in. That is my choice and I am committed to finishing what I begin. How about you? You may not always make the right decision but you can make your decision right if you will stick with it and perfect it until it is just what it needs to be.

How often have you quit just as victory was within your grasp, but you didn’t realize it so you gave up and missed your dream? We will never know the answer to that particular question, but we can rest assured that we did not miss our mark if we never quit and learn to press on despite the discouragement and pressure to withdraw.

I was never the best or most talented so early in my life I had to decide that I would be the most committed and it has paid off handsomely. Billy Graham is my hero. He has addressed more people face to face than any man who has ever lived. One of my greatest successes was to lead the largest public gathering Billy Graham ever held in North America. We were under-staffed, under-funded and had no real momentum going for us. I will never forget that we held a rally the week before our meeting was to take place and less than 1200 people showed up! We were in a jam and our backs were to the wall but we did not give up and a week later we had 250,000 people crowding into New York City’s Central Park. Our meeting was a record for Billy and a personal high point for me. The next day, an aerial photo of the gathering appeared on the front page of the New York Times - above the fold. We had realized our dream – and then some.

You are a winner if you never quit. No matter what the circumstances or the emotion screaming for you to give in, don’t do it! If you go down, don’t let it be because you held back or second-guessed the outcome. Give it all you have and push to the end. Your victory is at hand!

“Persistence is the ability to force your desired outcome by sheer strength of will and determination.”

Trad'in Up?

Do what you can, where you are, with what you've got." - Teddy Roosevelt

I was raised in the home of a medical doctor. Dad made a good living and provided just about everything we wanted as I was growing up. But the fact is that he and my mother scrimped and saved just to get through Medical school and it profoundly affected both of them and the way our family viewed money. As a result, I don’t waste anything nor am I a spendthrift. When my wife and I first got married, we had more conflict over money matters than probably any other issue – that was 30 years ago and things have changed drastically in the past three decades.

As I was watching TV, I saw an AD for the latest, greatest phone and it occurred to me that I never wear out my phones; I just trade them in on new ones with more and better features - the same is true of cameras, computers and the list goes on. How about you? Our culture is accustomed to “trading up” not “wearing out” the things we use in our life.

What about non-technology like clothes or cars and maybe even relationships? We had some long-time friends who seem to have traded us in on new ones about 2 years ago. When we asked why we didn’t get together anymore, the reply was that they were moving into a different season of their life. It wasn’t just us. They dropped out of church and don’t communicate with most of their old circle of acquaintances. Their decision was very painful and oh so unnecessary.

I see this occasionally in marriages too. One spouse just trades their husband or wife in on a new model. I don’t get it. Well, maybe I can understand getting a new phone, but not a new partner! Figure out how to make your life better by you becoming better, not by ditching those who love you. That will never work, because you will still be stuck with you and that is probably what was broke in the first place… and maybe some of that other old stuff is worth hanging on to for awhile longer? I’m still waiting for my old friends to wake up and come back home.

"Figure out how to make your life better by fixing the old stuff when it breaks."

Down Is The Way Up

“Humility is the foundation of all the other virtues hence, in the soul in which this virtue does not exist there cannot be any other virtue.” - Saint Augustine

Sometimes we are humbled to test our reaction before we can be lifted up. Have you been embarrassed or ashamed only to discover later that your experience was supremely valuable? Maybe your failure turned your life in an important direction that nothing else could have accomplished. I don’t seem to learn very much when everything is going wonderfully. It is usually my failures that get my attention best. What about you?

A dear friend of mine was fresh out of college and invited to try out for a professional football team. In college he had been a force to reckon with as a defensive cornerback. But my friend was beat time and again that day by a rookie quarterback and wide-receiver combo that were also hoping to make big-time professional sports. My friend was cut from the team - a little discouraged, yes, but undeterred in his pursuit of excellence. He went on to be a very successful attorney with a career that lasted many decades.

I have found that down is often the way up. Anyone can handle success, but how we handle failure is a sign of greatness. Most leaders will suffer setbacks and discouragement; it goes with the territory if you are trying to accomplish something great. The one who is always playing it safe will never find out what kind of stuff they are made of.

Our failures and disappointments are not always what they appear to be either – maybe they are really just momentary set-backs as we focus in on the best course for our life. You may have heard of the quarterback that beat my friend that day in try-outs; his name was Johnny Unitas and the wide-receiver was none other than Raymond Berry – two of the greatest players to ever represent the Baltimore Colts and now both in the NFL Hall Of Fame.

“It is only after we humble ourselves that we are ready to be lifted up.”

It Will Wreck Your Life

“Confidence... thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

A dishonest life is full of rot and will be exposed, causing us great embarrassment. It is not a question of “if” but “when” will you be exposed? Writers across the ages have exalted the virtue of honesty. Where does this trait stand in your set of values? I am ashamed to admit that I have sometimes struggled with being completely honest. Maybe you have been tempted in this area of your life too.

Years ago, I learned a very important lesson about verbal honesty that is seared on my consciousness – I hope it will help you as it has helped me. A friend of mine wanted to come visit me for the weekend but had responsibilities at his church which needed his attention. In order to get permission to leave, he told the entire congregation that I had been hurt in a car accident and that he was needed at my bedside. Unknown to my friend, someone in the audience knew a girl I was dating and found out that my friend was lying – what an embarrassment when the truth leaked out!

The theory of six degrees of separation says that no one is more than six relationships removed from anyone else. This idea is not just about networking – it speaks to our need to be honest as well. Once we are proven to be dishonest, it is difficult to regain the trust of others. Confess your lie immediately, take back the thing you stole; don’t let it go uncorrected. It will fester and start to erode your character. You will be exposed and humiliated. Face up to your failure and admit that it is wrong. Then you will have healing and restoration. There is nothing so pure and strong as a man with a clear conscience.

“Determine that honesty will be a hallmark of your life and pay scrupulous attention to maintaining it at all times, no matter what the cost.”

The Oscar

“Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing.” - Vince Lombardi

Who will win the Oscar? It is always a horse race until the very end, but along the way we are given some important clues. Just as in life, the race does not always go to the hardest worker or most gifted. The award sometimes goes to the most popular or charismatic.

When you are recognized for your life’s work, will you be deserving of the accolades you crave or will the ceremony be a sham in which you can take no pride or pleasure? The choice is yours because the path leading to the winner’s podium is cobbled now as you are far distant from the finish line.

Choices; in the beginning we make them and in the end, they make us. What kind of choices are you making today that will lead you into the winner’s circle despite the dictates of popular opinion?

Live according to the promptings of your heart. You know what to do! Even when they are not immediately gratifying, cling to the values you know are correct. Do what is right. Virtue is its own reward. And when the final verdict is rendered, you will know in your heart that you held nothing in reserve. That will be your reward and no one can take it from you.

“If you give your best every day, you will be given the Oscar for the performance your life.”

Protecting Home Plate

“The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.” - Zig Zigler

If I had the space here and you had the time, I would innumerate some of the horrible results of sexual infidelity I have personally observed over the years and chronicle for you how destructive and predictable each scenario has been.

As a young boy, my parents’ divorce devastated me. I was 17 and my brother was 15. Our whole world seemed to fall apart when we discovered the terrible truth that was affecting us so harshly. And it didn’t affect only us; it caused an implosion in the lives of everyone around us. The damage is still evident today – almost 40 years later.

I was a guest on a famous Christian couple’s television set several years ago. As I visited with the various personalities before the program, I could feel how plastic and superficial the atmosphere was in that place but could not lay my finger on why I was catching that vibe. Toward the end of my visit I was told directly that one very attractive staff woman was the “former wife” of one of the other staff on the program who was now sporting a new wife who also worked there. I could not understand how that would be the case in a so-called “Christian ministry” and was very disturbed by the nonchalant manner in which this had been shared with me – like it was no big deal. Months later we all discovered this was only the tip of the iceberg as news came to the public of the fall of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker’s PTL Club. To me it came as a sad confirmation.

Sexual morality is the foundation of healthy relationships with others. That may seem like an outdated idea but I have seen it proven true over and over again. What a person does in their private life is a strong indication of what is going on in their heart. And what could be more private than the sexual relationship you have with your spouse? If a leader is unfaithful to his spouse, he is unfaithful to all who would follow him. This is so because the marriage relationship is foundational to all other relationships we form in society and mirrors our character.

Whether you entered into your marriage carefully as a responsible adult or impulsively as an immature kid; your marriage is a lifelong promise to fidelity – and leaders keep their promises. Marriage is a commitment to stay with a partner regardless of failure or disappointment and is the greatest example of integrity we have in human relationships. Even if we are single, marriage is the “gold standard” by which all other relationships are measured. It is based on a promise that puts someone else’s interests ahead of our own.

The argument is often proffered, “Why should I spend the rest of my life suffering for a single mistake I made in choosing a bad marriage partner?” I would answer with another question, “Does running from bad decisions, solve them?” No, we solve problems by working through them. And even if we cannot solve a problem, we try with all our resources to do so before we change direction. Then we live with any negative consequences knowing we did everything we could to avoid them. A bad marriage is a terrible thing – we all know that. But in a day and age when everything seems disposable, whatever happened to keeping your word even when it hurts you? I value my reputation for integrity more than my personal comfort.

A leader must be willing to serve his followers regardless of the cost. Leadership, like marriage, is as much a responsibility as it is a privilege and is based on trust earned over time through hard work. If a follower cannot trust you, they will not follow you. Personal integrity is a foundational principal on which your leadership is affirmed.

“Integrity starts at home. Learn to be a person of your word and stick with your commitments even when you no longer feel like it.”

The Heart of the Matter

“The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence, but in the mastery of his passions.” - Alfred Lord Tennyson

In the West we consider our heart the seat of our emotions but this is not necessarily so in other cultures. For example in Africa it is the liver. So in Africa we would not say, “still your heart,” but rather, “don’t let your liver quiver.” It’s not the words but the meaning that I want to get across; guard your heart!

Our emotions are a powerful force. Do you control them or do they control you? Much evil can arise from our passion or a great deal of good can be accomplished if the focus of our heart is properly directed.

As we mature, we should learn to control our passions; but this discipline requires a philosophical decision we must make well ahead of the practical test. Just as moral spontaneity is a breeding ground for ethical failure, so personal discipline and careful forethought can play an important role in helping us to pre-determine our behavior as we face the challenges of life.

We can lose our leadership in an unguarded moment because we lost our temper. I have seen prominent executives totally blow their reputation and moral authority in the snap of the fingers because of their unbridled anger. Unfortunately it is possible to destroy something you have worked to build up over a lifetime, in a matter of seconds if you let your passions get the better of you.

I once over-reacted to an individual I was directing in a major event. He was accusatory and even insulting in his words and tone. His disrespect was palpable. For a split second I thought,” should I tell him what I think of his behavior?” Before I realized what I had done, I had taken him into a private room and given him a piece of my mind. Well, that was a big mistake on my part. He never forgave me and later even tried to hurt my reputation because I gave in to my anger for just a moment. Even though I was right and won the battle, I lost the war and the moral high ground. My anger made me wrong.

On another occasion, I can remember sitting across the table from a very angry person who dumped a truckload of accusation on me. I felt threatened and wanted to retaliate, but resisted the temptation and kept cool. I told them I was sorry they felt that way and we parted until the heat of the conversation had mitigated. Later, that same individual came to me with an apology and an admission of their own failure in the situation. And in doing so, they told me that my composure had brought them to this realization. My self-control made me right.

I love passionate people but we must learn to contain our emotion through our will and intellect. If we practice thinking through our values and priorities before the adrenaline starts to pump, we can have the mastery over our impulses. Many a high school date has taken a turn towards promiscuity because the couple had not wisely determined what their behavior should be before the windows were steamed up.

Because so few men can control their passions, if you can find a way to channel the same energy you might expend in self-gratification or anger into something positive, you will propel yourself into an elite category of superstardom. Your passion is a steam engine that can be morally neutral and used constructively if you decide that is what you want to do. Use the same energy that would normally erupt as anger or unbridled passion and channel it into a listening and patient demeanor. I absolutely guarantee it will get you a much better result and save you a lot of embarrassment.

“Decide to channel your passions into a positive force in your life.”

The Message of Leadership

I wrote the Message of Leadership as an inspirational book for leaders of all kinds. It contains 31 daily readings on different topics inspired by the 31 chapters of the ancient book of Proverbs which was written by the wisest man who ever lived.

My goal was to combine these proverbs with pithy personal insights and stories that will make a leader think about the way they exert their gift of leadership on those around them. It is suitable as a gift for those graduating from school, leaders in government, teachers, business associates, moms or anyone who leads others or aspires to do so. I originally intended it as a special way to say thanks to those who give of themselves for our benefit.

Not only will you get my inspirational thoughts, but you will also receive the entire book of Proverbs as translated by Eugene Peterson in "The Message." The volume comes either in the regular paperback edition or a special first edition cover and I will gladly autograph it to you upon request. This book is available directly from: http://www.danielsouthern.com/products.html

I hope this little book of insights will be a blessing to you.

The Tree

Using a chain saw, I strategically cut a little wedge from a tree at my summer cottage. It was about 10 inches across and that was all it took to bring down a 40 year old tree that was more than 75 feet tall.

Similarly, little things can swiftly bring down a life that has seemed to stand strong for many years. Pay attention to the little things in your life. Seldom do we make giant strides that get us all the way to where we want to be; it is more likely going to be the sum of many small acts that create the final product of our life.

Just as little bad things add up, so do the small good things. The way we treat people all day long when no one is looking, or the little indiscretions will all come back to haunt us in the end. No good deed is wasted and no harm will be overlooked. There is a day of accountability facing each one of us.

"Little faults can bring you down but small acts of kindness will make you stand strong."

"The good man shall be like a tree planted by streams of water who bears his fruit in season. His leaves will not whither and whatever he does will prosper. The wicked will not stand in the judgment but are like the chaff which the wind blows away."

Trophy

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running."
- Unknown

I am running a race and so are you; whether you realize it or not. At the end of the race is a finish line with a ribbon strung across the track and a winner's stand for the finalists. I want a place on that podium and am running with it in mind. So every day I am giving my best to assure myself that I am in contention for the prize.

Other people have been giving up and stopping to rest, but I will never give up until the race is over. I want to win or at least set a personal best each day. I have learned that if I just stick with it and never quit; I might be victorious, simply because I am the last man standing. That thought gives me hope. Even though I may not be the best, I can still win if I decide that I will never quit. Never!

So today run your race with all your heart knowing the prize does not always go to the fastest or most talented; sometimes it goes to the one who stuck it out and never gave up. That is you! You can win the trophy. Give everything you have and never quit!

"You are a winner if you persist to the very end"