Padawan

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”

~ Shannon L. Alder

“Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” Philippians 4:9 (KJV)

“And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.” 2 Timothy 2:2 (KJV)

MULTIPLICATION

Multiplication is just a very fast and efficient form of addition. If you want to leave your mark in life, this is one math fact which you will want to embrace, because multiplication is the best way to ensure your legacy. It is though the lives of others you invest in as a mentor, that you can have your greatest impact.

We sometimes call a person being mentored - a disciple. A disciple is a person who follows a leader and they do something more; a disciple reproduces themself in the lives of others who come after them. So we have two important aspects of discipleship; copy and multiply. These two ideas can change your life and even change the world! If you don’t multiply your beliefs, practices and experience in the lives of others, they will soon be lost.

Do you remember the Star Wars movies? They tell about a religious sect called the Jedi who had a very strict system of training their understudies called "Padawans." Their whole plan went wrong when they failed to properly mentor and govern one from among their own ranks and he became their nemesis. Darth Vader was a disciple … but of the wrong leader. He became the Dark Lord of the universe as a direct result of ineffective discipleship by the Jedi. I am not saying that if you do not properly disciple those under you, they will bring the universe to ruin - but it is something to think about. What could you be doing right now to properly guide those who look to you for leadership?

The philosophy of reproducing ourself through others relates to raising our children as well as training our employees and the impact we have on any others who may be looking to us for leadership. It is a universal truth that we will reap what we have sown.

I have been blessed to have a series of great men who have invested in my life to guide me when I needed it. It has not always been easy to receive their input but because the relationships were built on love and trust, there was a solid foundation making it easier. We all need to be looking around us for someone we can invest in and for someone to invest in us – it flows both ways. I never met a successful leader who did not have a series of mentors helping them and I never met a wise man who did not seek to mentor others. The choice is yours to take this admonition seriously; copy and multiply. That is the best way any of us can leave a lasting legacy and assure our long-term success.

Essential Insight – “Multiplication is the only math that really adds up.”

Magic Formula

“Positive thinking by itself does not work. Your embodied vision, partnered with vibrant thinking, harmonized with active listening, and supported with your conscious action - will clear the path for your Miracles.” ~ Sumner M. Davenport

What is the secret handshake; the magic formula; the correct prayer that will bring us what we want? I hear it a lot; “Why doesn't God answer my prayers?”

The short answer is that I don’t know. But let me share a few things I do know that will take the edge off of your frustration and bolster your confidence toward God.

1. God is not a vending machine - If He was it wouldn't do us much good because we would always get what we want and sometimes we need someone to say, “No!” If I always got what I wanted, I would be in a lot of trouble.

2. God knows everything that is going on and only He can deliver the perfect answer that fits all the needs - If we were the only people and this was the only time maybe we could figure it all out by our self, but sadly this is not the case and we live in a very complicated world far beyond our comprehension.

3. You can absolutely trust God – no matter what happens God is completely reliable. True, He is not always on your side but you can always be on His side. Line yourself up with His purposes and character and you will be in a position to be blessed by God.

4. We will get the best result in the end – God promises us that everything will work out for the best possible outcome if we are aligned with Him. Our problem is that we do not trust God to do things in His way but we want to do it all our way. Sometimes pain is necessary to get the desired result. Ask any Olympic athlete about their training schedule and they will gladly enlighten you on this point.

5. Trusting God is the point of the exercise – Things will work out in the end and we will have the best result we could ever imagine, but the important thing is for us to be aligned with our Heavenly Father. It’s not about getting what we want; it is about becoming what He wants.

As I lay in bed last night it hit me hard that I do not really believe what I am constantly saying to others about God. I only believe when my life is good and I do not have any challenges. I want to change that fact about myself. When my child has a disease or my job goes down the toilet or I cannot stop a relationship from failing – that is when I want to learn to trust God; that is real trust!

The magic formula is to trust God. He will never fail us.

Mistakes

“We made too many wrong mistakes.” ~ Yogi Berra

My life has been plagued with all kinds of miscues and errors in judgment. After almost 60 years on the planet, I would like to think I am getting smarter and that my experience would count for more, but surprisingly it doesn't seem to work that way as often as it should. How are you doing in that department? It’s not that I don’t know what to do as much as failing in the application of my insight. For example, I have always been a kidder and liked to laugh. As a young man this trait often led me into trouble but it also made me the life of the party. On more than one occasion I remember coming home after being with a group of friends and thinking that I had made a fool out of myself by all that I had said. Other times my embarrassment was just a result of a miscalculation in human relations or perhaps insensitivity to someone’s feelings.

I don’t remember ever going out to intentionally hurt anyone or to be mean just for the sake of it. Introspection has been a habit for me. That’s where the lessons come in. After the dust has settled I usually evaluate what has happened and how I could correct it next time. But that doesn't erase the mistake. Some of my mistakes still burn in my heart even years afterward.

It’s not always about relationships or social skills; sometimes my mistakes have to do with money or my job or just priorities. Let’s face it – no one is perfect and mistakes happen. The more I attempt to do, the more mistakes I make. But here is the good news: we are not judged by our inconsistencies but by our consistencies. Mistakes are a part of life but so is forgiveness and redemption.

My mistakes have made me more tender to others and deepened me more than any other thing in my life. So I have become philosophical about my mistakes and learned to embrace them. My scars are actually medals of honor and badges of battles lost and won – all part of the story called my life. I’m not proud of my failures but I value them as part of the process making me into the man I am becoming. There is one mistake I hope I am never guilty of committing; not profiting from my mistakes and allowing them to make me into a better person.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” ~ Bruce Lee

What Happened to the Light?

“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

The light was there first and then came the darkness. We have lost our way and wander in darkness. Unless we seek out the light we will be lost. But where do we go to find the light and how can it be restored so we can all walk in the light continuously and habitually?

The first step is to realize that we ourselves are not the light. That is not to say that we cannot have light within us or that we do not have any good in us at all. But our natural propensity is not to seek out the light but rather we love the darkness more than the light. You see light exposes darkness and we all have some dark secrets and behavior that we would rather not have exposed.

When we are committed to bring the light to those in darkness, we will face adversity. I was raised in a very strict and conservative environment. There is nothing wrong with that and I am not ashamed of it. But my mistake in that early stage of life was to think that those in darkness were somehow not as good as me… and I definitely gave off that vibe. This was very unhelpful in my relationships and alienated me from those who needed what I had access to. So the second step is to realize that we are just mirrors who can reflect the light but in substance we are no better than those in darkness. We are all really the same. If we do not grasp this immediately, we are destined to lose contact with those we seek to serve. Someone has said it best when he said,” we are just beggars seeking to show other beggars where we have found bread.”

The light can be found only on a spiritual plane. It is not the way of the world and the world generally does not operate according to the light. Again, we see many good things in the world and they are useful to us, but we should not be deceived into thinking that the world is friendly to the light. Its systems are dramatically opposed to the light and they will undermine our journey to the light if we do not stay vigilant.

Let’s take the notion of love as an example. I love my wife and she is precious to me. But that does not mean I always act in love toward her in every situation. In fact, most times I act in my own self interest and not hers. I don’t mean to behave in this way nor is it my design, but I naturally slip into this pattern if I am not constantly vigilant.

The third step is to realize that our combined light shines brighter than we can ever shine alone. By that I mean that we should associate with others who have the same values, encourage one another and hold one another accountable to operate in a certain way. Community is essential to light-bearers. We cannot fight this battle on our own and if we try to do so, we will fail. Seek out those who walk in the light.

Lastly we have an obligation to take the light to those in darkness. Most people who walk habitually in the darkness do not consciously understand their plight and will not naturally seek out the light on their own. I have been fortunate to have a series of very committed and wise friends in my life that brought the light to me. At times it was painful when they revealed my darkness to me. They had to be persistent and patient with me and teach me how to be a light-bearer over many years. I can easily slip off the path if I do not stay alert and practice habits that will keep me in the light. Their light exposed my darkness …many times without saying a word. The comparison of my behavior to theirs was often enough to help me see my error. Will you join me in seeking to be a light in a dark world?

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” ~ Carl Jung

The King of Virtues

“Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.” - Dag Hammarskjold

Coretta Scott King, the wife of the martyred civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr., was a courageous and strong woman. To me she epitomized forgiveness. When I was living in Atlanta I had the opportunity to meet her and go on a private walking tour of her late husband’s museum. The thing that impressed me most was her ability to resist the hatred and negativity her personal experiences could have fomented in her heart and see how she became a positive force for the sake of the oppressed and down-trodden.

I have witnessed a lot of misery suffered by people who have been abused and hurt by the powers of this world. When we feel we have been cheated by life – we can make a choice either to allow ourselves to become bitter and withdrawn or we can decide to learn from the experience and become better as a result of putting it into our memory bank for future application.

At the age of 16 my parents were divorced and my world seemed to come apart at the seems. I was angry to think that I had been cheated out of my right to be happy. But this was not the end of my life as I supposed. It was merely a temporary detour that eventually helped me move in a very positive direction. Psychologists tell us that it is how we choose to interpret what happens in our life, more than the actual circumstances and experiences, which determines the impact they will have on us. Will our hurts make us bitter or better … we get to decide!

Here is my observation: It is the one who has been wronged who has all the power, not the one who does the wrong. And our power comes in the form of forgiveness. When we forgive we liberate ourselves to live our life more fully. Coretta Scott King discovered that truth early in her life and as a consequence was able to do no end of good for others.

“Forgiveness, in the hands of those who have been wronged, is one of the most powerful forces in the world.”

If I knew Then, What I Know Now

“Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.” - Winston Churchill

When I was a young man in college I never dreamed how important computers would become to all of us. One special guest lecturer who visited our campus was Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper (Commander at the time) who was the pioneer developer of the embryonic computer and programming language for the US Navy. I thought all this computer stuff was just for mathematicians and egg-heads. I knew computers would never be of any practical use to me later in life.

I was focused on how I would enjoy my journey (playing sports and dating girls) with little thought as to where the trip would take me. It seems stupid now as I think about it, but that is just the point – I had no real plan. I was a kid who still thought in terms of doing what was fun at the time and did not think about where my daily choices might take me. Well, I grew up and learned many valuable lessons along the way; one of the most important being, that I needed to have a vision for where I wanted to go in life and then focus on how I was going to get there..

A very valuable piece of advice I received in this regard was from a mentor who had worked for many years as a manager in the business world. He shared that even the most daunting task can be broken down into smaller pieces that are more easily doable. In the same way, our life’s goals can be broken into bite–sized chunks that are not so difficult to achieve, one at a time. First, we need to decide what we want to accomplish and work back from there to where we are now to find our starting point.

My highest personal priority in life has always been to be an “impact player.” When I finally got serious about making a plan for my life, I decided to seek out someone who had led that kind of a life and learn from them. So I did just that and one thing has lead to another … and here I am. Notice that I focused on “what” I wanted to do, first and then “how” I would do it… I followed my dream and have discovered that the “steps” have taken care of themselves as I stayed focused on “the vision.”

If I had a plan as a young man in college, it was to never use a computer again once that computer science class was over. Now here I am sitting at my laptop sharing this idea. Isn’t it ironic how our methods can change even when our vision stays the same? If I knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself a lot of the frustration I felt early in life by focusing more on my objective than the methods by which I would achieve it.

“When you make your plans, first focus on where you want to go and then how you go about it will more easily fall into place.”

The Last One to Let You Down

“But friendship is precious; not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.” - Thomas Jefferson

Former Senator Sam Nunn from Georgia was a wonderful gentleman and a strong leader. In his coat pocket, he always carried a very small leather-bound New Testament which he had received years ago from his special friend, Billy Graham. Mr. Graham was not just a public figure, he was a man on a mission and it positively affected everyone who encountered him. Now that is true friendship; to leave a spiritual impact on those around us! What kind of impact have you had on your friends? What kind of impact have your friends had on you?

When I was in my late 20’s and just starting out in my career, an older wiser man invited me out to lunch because he wanted to have a straight talk with me. He had observed some dangerous tendencies in my life and was willing to point them out to me as a friend. I was surprised and crushed by his words at the same time. From my vantage point, everything he thought he was seeing in me was wrong and I was an innocent person. Oh, really?! In the coming days, weeks and even years, I came to see the truth of some of his observations and at the very least, the danger of appearing to have some bad attitudes by the way I behaved.

That old man remained my faithful friend to the day he died not long ago and his words still help me. But I have had the other sort of friend too. Those who have not stood by me in need and some who were of bad character and dragged me down by their defective world view. Be very careful of the friends you choose. They have a dramatic impact on how you interpret life and the choices you make. The same can be said of business associates, partners, your spouse and anyone else you let into your life. If we choose foolish people to share our world we will end up as a fool our self.

We all need at least 6 good friends because that’s how many men it will take to
carry our casket to the grave. Quite literally, your friends should be the last to let you down.

“Choose your friends carefully.”

Bad Taste In Your Mouth

“Gossip is a sort of smoke that comes from the dirty tobacco-pipes of those who diffuse it: it proves nothing but the bad taste of the smoker.” - George Eliot

Can you control your tongue? Few of us have mastered this small part of our anatomy. You have heard it said, that “the only time some people open their mouth, is to change feet!” A foot is sure to leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth. Our tongue is a powerful force which can be used for good or evil. Try to master yours if you can.

Some leaders don’t realize the power of the words coming out of their mouth. Everything they say has an impact just by virtue of their personality and position. And because they are in charge, there is often no one who will openly point out their fault.

In college I had a friend who was always criticizing others. It got so bad that I found myself thinking about ways to avoid spending any serious time together. Then it hit me that I had a responsibility to redirect his thinking and behavior. I could be a positive influence in his life that would possibly redirect his negativity. What a blessing to my soul when he commented one day that I had impressed him with how kind my remarks seemed to be about others and that I had caused him to reflect on how he could improve in this area of his own life. The message had come through to his heart without having to preach a sermon to my friend.

When you have something important to say – how do you go about it? When you have something that doesn’t need to be said, can you keep your mouth shut? Putting our foot in our own mouth is only surpassed in recklessness by cramming our ideas down someone else’s throat – both can leave an equally bad taste behind and might even cause someone to choke!

“Learn to harness the power of your tongue and use it wisely.”

It Will Wreck Your Life

“Confidence... thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

A dishonest life is full of rot and will be exposed, causing us great embarrassment. It is not a question of “if” but “when” will you be exposed? Writers across the ages have exalted the virtue of honesty. Where does this trait stand in your set of values? I am ashamed to admit that I have sometimes struggled with being completely honest. Maybe you have been tempted in this area of your life too.

Years ago, I learned a very important lesson about verbal honesty that is seared on my consciousness – I hope it will help you as it has helped me. A friend of mine wanted to come visit me for the weekend but had responsibilities at his church which needed his attention. In order to get permission to leave, he told the entire congregation that I had been hurt in a car accident and that he was needed at my bedside. Unknown to my friend, someone in the audience knew a girl I was dating and found out that my friend was lying – what an embarrassment when the truth leaked out!

The theory of six degrees of separation says that no one is more than six relationships removed from anyone else. This idea is not just about networking – it speaks to our need to be honest as well. Once we are proven to be dishonest, it is difficult to regain the trust of others. Confess your lie immediately, take back the thing you stole; don’t let it go uncorrected. It will fester and start to erode your character. You will be exposed and humiliated. Face up to your failure and admit that it is wrong. Then you will have healing and restoration. There is nothing so pure and strong as a man with a clear conscience.

“Determine that honesty will be a hallmark of your life and pay scrupulous attention to maintaining it at all times, no matter what the cost.”

What Are You Here For?

“To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

We do not all have the same abilities or opportunities but we all have the privilege of determining the purpose to which we will dedicate ourselves. A wise man once told me that there were only three big decisions that most of us will ever make in life; who are you going to live your life with; what are you going to live your life in; and what are you going to live your life for? It’s that third question that seems to stump most of us. What are you living your life for?

As a college student, I worked for a time in an automotive plant to fund my schooling. It was a very routine job that I found unfulfilling. Most of my co-workers hated their job and talked all the time about how they would live out their retirement doing what they really wanted to do. Unfortunately most folks don't fulfill their dreams in retirement and more importantly - why would we want to wait? I determined right then and there that I would seek to find a purpose for my life that I could live for each day. I wanted something that made me wake up every morning with thankfulness that I was alive.

Have you found a worthwhile purpose for your life? Success has been defined as: “the progressive realization of a worthwhile, pre-determined goal.” Establish a handful of worthy goals in your life and give yourself fully to accomplishing them. In establishing your life-purposes, start with your relationship with God, your family and your work. These top three areas of your life need the most urgent attention.

“Settle on your life-purposes and sell out to accomplish them each day.”

The Choice Is Yours

“It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - J. K. Rowling

You choose what kind of person you will become through thousands of little decisions you make every day. Your choices have a lasting effect on who you will become. Even when bad things happen that are beyond your control, you have a choice as to how you will interpret and respond to the situation and whether or not it will make you better or bitter.

In the coffee shop of the Atlanta airport Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World – Kenny Norton, sent an autograph seeker away with the terse remark – “Get out of here, can’t you see I am eating!” The dejected sailor turned and walked away from his hero and straight toward me. I felt compassion for the navy seaman dressed in his white uniform so I tried to encourage him. As we talked over a cup of coffee, he opened up and our conversation went quickly to a much deeper level than either of us had expected.

That seaman had started out seeking his hero’s autograph and meeting disappointment; he ended up talking to someone just as ordinary as he was and making a new friend.

I was very unimpressed with the boxer that day and very pleasantly surprised by the sailor. In the eyes of many, the boxer had made all the right moves but I saw something else. I was looking at a man who had made some choices that had given him a black eye – at least in the mind of two people I knew. He had fought for fortune and fame and lost his compassion for others. Whether or not to devalue others is a choice we all face at one time or another. Choose carefully, your choice will either build your legacy or tear it down. Choices – we all make them every day. But in the end – they make us.

“Choose to cultivate your inner person and don’t sacrifice your character on the road to success.”

Protecting Home Plate

“The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.” - Zig Zigler

If I had the space here and you had the time, I would innumerate some of the horrible results of sexual infidelity I have personally observed over the years and chronicle for you how destructive and predictable each scenario has been.

As a young boy, my parents’ divorce devastated me. I was 17 and my brother was 15. Our whole world seemed to fall apart when we discovered the terrible truth that was affecting us so harshly. And it didn’t affect only us; it caused an implosion in the lives of everyone around us. The damage is still evident today – almost 40 years later.

I was a guest on a famous Christian couple’s television set several years ago. As I visited with the various personalities before the program, I could feel how plastic and superficial the atmosphere was in that place but could not lay my finger on why I was catching that vibe. Toward the end of my visit I was told directly that one very attractive staff woman was the “former wife” of one of the other staff on the program who was now sporting a new wife who also worked there. I could not understand how that would be the case in a so-called “Christian ministry” and was very disturbed by the nonchalant manner in which this had been shared with me – like it was no big deal. Months later we all discovered this was only the tip of the iceberg as news came to the public of the fall of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker’s PTL Club. To me it came as a sad confirmation.

Sexual morality is the foundation of healthy relationships with others. That may seem like an outdated idea but I have seen it proven true over and over again. What a person does in their private life is a strong indication of what is going on in their heart. And what could be more private than the sexual relationship you have with your spouse? If a leader is unfaithful to his spouse, he is unfaithful to all who would follow him. This is so because the marriage relationship is foundational to all other relationships we form in society and mirrors our character.

Whether you entered into your marriage carefully as a responsible adult or impulsively as an immature kid; your marriage is a lifelong promise to fidelity – and leaders keep their promises. Marriage is a commitment to stay with a partner regardless of failure or disappointment and is the greatest example of integrity we have in human relationships. Even if we are single, marriage is the “gold standard” by which all other relationships are measured. It is based on a promise that puts someone else’s interests ahead of our own.

The argument is often proffered, “Why should I spend the rest of my life suffering for a single mistake I made in choosing a bad marriage partner?” I would answer with another question, “Does running from bad decisions, solve them?” No, we solve problems by working through them. And even if we cannot solve a problem, we try with all our resources to do so before we change direction. Then we live with any negative consequences knowing we did everything we could to avoid them. A bad marriage is a terrible thing – we all know that. But in a day and age when everything seems disposable, whatever happened to keeping your word even when it hurts you? I value my reputation for integrity more than my personal comfort.

A leader must be willing to serve his followers regardless of the cost. Leadership, like marriage, is as much a responsibility as it is a privilege and is based on trust earned over time through hard work. If a follower cannot trust you, they will not follow you. Personal integrity is a foundational principal on which your leadership is affirmed.

“Integrity starts at home. Learn to be a person of your word and stick with your commitments even when you no longer feel like it.”

Start With The Fundamentals

“Gentlemen, this is a football.” - Vince Lombardi

Vince Lombardi, the most famous football coach who ever lived, was well-known for keeping his team focused on the fundamentals of the game. Are you crystal clear about the fundamentals of the game? Do you even know what game you are playing? The game of life, in reality, is no game at all. Your life is the most serious business in which you will ever engage. And since you only get one opportunity to do it – do it right the first time by starting with the fundamentals.

Living wisely is the chief aim of life. Further, I believe that all wisdom is fundamentally spiritual in nature. Therefore the pursuit of wisdom is primarily a spiritual endeavor.

By clinging to a spiritual perspective, as the bedrock of our life, we refuse to subscribe to the belief that we are merely an evolutionary accident and we embrace the persuasion that our life and actions have ultimate meaning. We must be committed to a moral and ethical grid through which everything we do is filtered.

How do you pursue wisdom? It begins by humbly admitting that you are only the player, but God is the coach. He calls the plays and we execute them – sometimes over and over again until we get them right. But we never revolt against our coach and we never stop in our pursuit of excellence – never!

Tom Landry, legendary coach of the Dallas Cowboys, once told me that he had three priorities in life; God, family and football – in that order. He believed, “Until you get your priorities straight you will never be truly successful at anything.”

Life is no game; it is a serious business and it will cost you everything to be successful. You must admit that you are not the final authority and then you have to commit to do what the coach has told you to do no matter what the cost. There are no shortcuts to success.

"To be successful, build your life on the fundamentals and stay with them."

The Message of Leadership

I wrote the Message of Leadership as an inspirational book for leaders of all kinds. It contains 31 daily readings on different topics inspired by the 31 chapters of the ancient book of Proverbs which was written by the wisest man who ever lived.

My goal was to combine these proverbs with pithy personal insights and stories that will make a leader think about the way they exert their gift of leadership on those around them. It is suitable as a gift for those graduating from school, leaders in government, teachers, business associates, moms or anyone who leads others or aspires to do so. I originally intended it as a special way to say thanks to those who give of themselves for our benefit.

Not only will you get my inspirational thoughts, but you will also receive the entire book of Proverbs as translated by Eugene Peterson in "The Message." The volume comes either in the regular paperback edition or a special first edition cover and I will gladly autograph it to you upon request. This book is available directly from: http://www.danielsouthern.com/products.html

I hope this little book of insights will be a blessing to you.